I want to be very frank with you. Love is the greatest feeling on earth and it's worth fighting for and taking any risk, but because it's an emotion, it's very difficult to keep under control. You can hardly influence your own feelings and it's almost impossible to have an impact on the feelings of someone else. No one can be forced to feel love when this feeling is not present. And no one can be hold up from changing his feelings if for some reason this process has started. Love is certainly a gift but it's also a mystery no one can master to the end. When love and feelings enter the stage, there is no room for logic and rational thinking. That's why there is no clear answer to the title question.
When we think about the complexity of human feelings and when we consider that people usually react very self-oriented and even egoistic in situations where their emotional state is concerned and where their desire for love seems threatened, it looks that the chances of getting back the Ex-Partner are very low. And it would be irresponsible to try to convince someone that only a few rules need to be followed in order to reunite with the Ex-Partner. This can't be true just for the simple reason that every love case is a different one and what can help one relationship, might harm another one.
From the very beginning everyone trying to find a way back to the Ex-Partner's heart should be prepared for a difficult and long battle with no guarantee of success. But on the other hand there is always a chance and maybe the perspective of being together with the Ex-Partner can motivate one strong enough to make the deep changes that obligatorily need to be done. A great desire can make wonders and make one jump over one's shadow.
A chance is there but it's the starting point that decides what are the real prospects. And the starting point is the answer to the question why the feelings of the Ex-Partner have changed or what has led to the break-up. We said, of course, that every love case is different but the experience shows that some cases are more frequent than others:
1. You cheated on your Ex-Partner, had an affair or did something else that make him or her stop trusting you to a point where a common way was no longer imaginable.
2. You changed in a way making you unattractive to your Ex-Partner and this was a long-term issue but you didn't notice what impact your behaviour does have on his or her feelings.
3. For some reason your Ex-Partner developed feelings for someone else and now there is another love focus (this might be connected with the previous number as neglected partners tend to look for fulfilment elsewhere).
These are different situations but there is one common denominator and this is you causing the problem in some way. This also determines your chances:
1. Being unfaithful, disloyal or hurting the partner in any other way is a very serious case and the partner is right if he or she doesn't want to continue such a relationship. Every partnership needs mutual trust and respect and these factors build the basis for love. It needs much time to win someone's trust and respect but both can be lost almost immediately depending on one's acting and behaviour. And what has been lost, is very hard to regain.
If this is your situation, the chance of getting back the Ex-Partner is very low and it depends fully on what you did to him or her. It could be also influenced by your relationship type because if you are married or have children together, the bound between you and the Ex-Partner is stronger, but on the other hand his or her feeling of being betrayed or hurt might be then stronger as well (as the expectations were greater).
So what can be done?
Though the case is difficult, there is one thing that can give hope and this is the fact that a betrayed or hurt partner is often still in love with the one who did this to him or her. But this is also something that needs to be respected and not used against the Ex-Partner.
2. You have changed and lost in a way or maybe forgotten what was attractive to your Ex-Partner and what made him or her start having feelings for you. This might be your appearance, sense of humour, way of thinking, self-confidence, life power, willingness to move forward, eagerness for life success or comparable features. Something that was very characteristic for you but time and maybe life circumstances changed your acting and behaviour.
If this is your case, you might have a good chance to get your Ex-Partner back as the features that made you interesting and appealing are still a part of you, but they just need to be remembered and strengthened again. Another good point is that your Ex-Partner might want you to start working on you again and this is one of the reasons for the break-up. If he or she sees you in old condition and power, he or she might be willing to reunite with you again. But please restrict your possible joy now because there is much work to do and everything is still a "might" and "maybe" meaning that it can happen that you change in a proper way but this won't have an impact on your Ex-Partner's decision. Keep this in mind!
And what can be done?
This is only a brief overview over the issue giving the right development direction. Everything lies in your hand and the experience shows that a proper and secret done transformation can make wonders.
3. Your Ex-Partner's feelings moved to someone else and now this is not only between you and him or her. There might be different reasons for this but one thing is certain: Something like that happens not overnight and results from a longer period of partnership disruption (here we need to distinguish between sexual affair and love feelings - while in general in the first case we speak about cheating on someone and in this case the Ex-Partner is the cause for the break-up, the second case is emotional disloyalty and this is our focus).
If this is your case, if for some reason your partner has been and probably still is disloyal towards you in an emotional sense, there is no big chance for a reunion, at least for some, maybe even long time. And this is because no matter what you would do and how you would change, there are feelings towards someone else - feelings that are extremely difficult to cope with. People are usually not able to surppress their feelings but of course this is a very individual case.
So what can be done?
In this case you should ask yourself if what happened between you and your Ex-Partner justifies a change of feelings and we are not talking about the case where you cheated on your partner but about a normal relationship development with all the ups and downs.
You might have changed in a for your partner unattractive and negative way but is this enough to start feeling emotionally bound with someone else without trying to solve the problems? When for instance you are married and you've got children, is it right that your wife or husband starts sharing her or his feelings with someone else, which in the end can lead to an emotional break-up with you? Of course, it might be true that you weren't there for your partner and she or he started looking for other support (and this is the major reason for break-ups and divorces), but the question is if this kind of problem is something to be worked on or a reason for definite emotional separation?
The only person who can answer the above questions is you and you can only know if your Ex-Partner is worth fighting for, even if you've got children. Love is difficult and love means that both sides try to work on their relationship and to solve their problems when they decided to go through life together. Giving up a relationship and finding someone else is a way but is it the smartest one? And if this happened to you and before you start trying to get your Ex-Partner back, you should ask yourself what this says about him or her, about his or her emotional maturity.
When we think about the complexity of human feelings and when we consider that people usually react very self-oriented and even egoistic in situations where their emotional state is concerned and where their desire for love seems threatened, it looks that the chances of getting back the Ex-Partner are very low. And it would be irresponsible to try to convince someone that only a few rules need to be followed in order to reunite with the Ex-Partner. This can't be true just for the simple reason that every love case is a different one and what can help one relationship, might harm another one.
From the very beginning everyone trying to find a way back to the Ex-Partner's heart should be prepared for a difficult and long battle with no guarantee of success. But on the other hand there is always a chance and maybe the perspective of being together with the Ex-Partner can motivate one strong enough to make the deep changes that obligatorily need to be done. A great desire can make wonders and make one jump over one's shadow.
A chance is there but it's the starting point that decides what are the real prospects. And the starting point is the answer to the question why the feelings of the Ex-Partner have changed or what has led to the break-up. We said, of course, that every love case is different but the experience shows that some cases are more frequent than others:
1. You cheated on your Ex-Partner, had an affair or did something else that make him or her stop trusting you to a point where a common way was no longer imaginable.
2. You changed in a way making you unattractive to your Ex-Partner and this was a long-term issue but you didn't notice what impact your behaviour does have on his or her feelings.
3. For some reason your Ex-Partner developed feelings for someone else and now there is another love focus (this might be connected with the previous number as neglected partners tend to look for fulfilment elsewhere).
These are different situations but there is one common denominator and this is you causing the problem in some way. This also determines your chances:
1. Being unfaithful, disloyal or hurting the partner in any other way is a very serious case and the partner is right if he or she doesn't want to continue such a relationship. Every partnership needs mutual trust and respect and these factors build the basis for love. It needs much time to win someone's trust and respect but both can be lost almost immediately depending on one's acting and behaviour. And what has been lost, is very hard to regain.
If this is your situation, the chance of getting back the Ex-Partner is very low and it depends fully on what you did to him or her. It could be also influenced by your relationship type because if you are married or have children together, the bound between you and the Ex-Partner is stronger, but on the other hand his or her feeling of being betrayed or hurt might be then stronger as well (as the expectations were greater).
So what can be done?
- You need to change yourself to make sure that the thing that happened will never come back. If you cannot control yourself or the reason why you did this is still present (maybe there is just no love between you and the partner), you shouldn't start regaining your Ex-Partner's trust. First you need to deal with yourself.
- You need to convince your Ex-Partner by deeds rather than words that you have changed and this will never happen again but you also need to accept from the beginning that it might take a very long time and that there is no guarantee of success. And when your Ex-Partner is not able to forgive you, he or she shouldn't be blamed for it as everything was caused by you.
Though the case is difficult, there is one thing that can give hope and this is the fact that a betrayed or hurt partner is often still in love with the one who did this to him or her. But this is also something that needs to be respected and not used against the Ex-Partner.
2. You have changed and lost in a way or maybe forgotten what was attractive to your Ex-Partner and what made him or her start having feelings for you. This might be your appearance, sense of humour, way of thinking, self-confidence, life power, willingness to move forward, eagerness for life success or comparable features. Something that was very characteristic for you but time and maybe life circumstances changed your acting and behaviour.
If this is your case, you might have a good chance to get your Ex-Partner back as the features that made you interesting and appealing are still a part of you, but they just need to be remembered and strengthened again. Another good point is that your Ex-Partner might want you to start working on you again and this is one of the reasons for the break-up. If he or she sees you in old condition and power, he or she might be willing to reunite with you again. But please restrict your possible joy now because there is much work to do and everything is still a "might" and "maybe" meaning that it can happen that you change in a proper way but this won't have an impact on your Ex-Partner's decision. Keep this in mind!
And what can be done?
- You need to go back to your roots and remember what made you be the one you were in the past.
- You need to start working on yourself and from this point you should always remember that it will never be possible to stop thinking about oneself and doing something for one's emotional and physical development.
- You need to go through this alone and for a certain period of time (and the minimum are two months) keep distance to your Ex-Partner because there is no room for self-development when you only focus on your Ex-Partner's mood, acting and behaviour (and for someone desiring a getting-back is this everyday reality unless a certain distance is kept).
- You need to make your Ex-Partner remember what made him or her start having feelings for you.
This is only a brief overview over the issue giving the right development direction. Everything lies in your hand and the experience shows that a proper and secret done transformation can make wonders.
3. Your Ex-Partner's feelings moved to someone else and now this is not only between you and him or her. There might be different reasons for this but one thing is certain: Something like that happens not overnight and results from a longer period of partnership disruption (here we need to distinguish between sexual affair and love feelings - while in general in the first case we speak about cheating on someone and in this case the Ex-Partner is the cause for the break-up, the second case is emotional disloyalty and this is our focus).
If this is your case, if for some reason your partner has been and probably still is disloyal towards you in an emotional sense, there is no big chance for a reunion, at least for some, maybe even long time. And this is because no matter what you would do and how you would change, there are feelings towards someone else - feelings that are extremely difficult to cope with. People are usually not able to surppress their feelings but of course this is a very individual case.
So what can be done?
In this case you should ask yourself if what happened between you and your Ex-Partner justifies a change of feelings and we are not talking about the case where you cheated on your partner but about a normal relationship development with all the ups and downs.
You might have changed in a for your partner unattractive and negative way but is this enough to start feeling emotionally bound with someone else without trying to solve the problems? When for instance you are married and you've got children, is it right that your wife or husband starts sharing her or his feelings with someone else, which in the end can lead to an emotional break-up with you? Of course, it might be true that you weren't there for your partner and she or he started looking for other support (and this is the major reason for break-ups and divorces), but the question is if this kind of problem is something to be worked on or a reason for definite emotional separation?
The only person who can answer the above questions is you and you can only know if your Ex-Partner is worth fighting for, even if you've got children. Love is difficult and love means that both sides try to work on their relationship and to solve their problems when they decided to go through life together. Giving up a relationship and finding someone else is a way but is it the smartest one? And if this happened to you and before you start trying to get your Ex-Partner back, you should ask yourself what this says about him or her, about his or her emotional maturity.