Q: My husband and I have been married for less than a year, but we dated for eight years and lived together for two beforehand. He's a decent person. He never hits me or verbally abuses me. He works hard, supports us financially, and even takes out the trash once in a while. But lately everything he does seems to annoy me to no end. He grinds his teeth in bed, leaves his dirty underwear on the floor in the bathroom, and forgets to kiss me goodnight unless he wants sex.

So, we bicker a lot. And I find myself less and less attracted to him. In fact, I think I'm starting to hate him. I've even fantasized about divorce. We should still be in the honeymoon phase. What should I do?
A: This sounds familiar. Many of my readers go to a blog I wrote, "When I Hate My Husband," to share similar stories. Some are not as lucky as you. They have abusive partners, and they have to get out of the relationship for their safety and the safety of their children if they have them. Still, there are those wives, who, like you, have faithful spouses, who are responsible, decent human beings, who get on their last nerve. There are ebbs and flows in marriage. When there's more ebb than flow, you have a problem.

You first have to determine the source of the problem. Why is it that this man you loved enough to marry is now driving you crazy (and not in the good way)? One possibility is your own failed expectations of marriage. Many people wed because they believe the party, rings, and the promise of a lifetime together will somehow make their relationship different.

They think the things their spouse does to annoy them will disappear the day after they say, "I do." You lived with your husband before getting hitched, so you must have known that he would pile his underwear on the bathroom floor. There's no magic in marriage. Yes, it provides you with some stability and security. But it will not fix anything wrong with the relationship, nor will it change your spouse.

Another reason your spouse could be grating on your nerves is that you have other problems in your life. Work is extra stressful, a loved one is ill, you're in debt, you are feeling down, etc. In this case, you have to take responsibility and quit blaming your spouse for whatever ails you. Take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if you're looking for a scapegoat. Are you being mean to your spouse? Realizing your own flaws can help you adjust your own behavior and be more understanding of your husband's.

Most of the time, however, when wives come to me with this kind of problem, they are simply bored with the relationship. They've been with their spouse a long time, and the excitement of the wedding has worn off. They've fallen into a sexual rut, everyday life has gotten in the way of romance, and they feel more like roommates and less like soul mates. If this is what's troubling you, then it's good news. You and your spouse have the power to change things. First, communicate. Tell him how you feel (but spare his feelings by leaving out that you loathe him at the moment). Then, ask him to take action, such as leaving dirty garments on the floor for you to pick up.

Finally, wake up the relationship. Suggest doing something new - a date night outside of your usual dinner at restaurant X or a new sex position or anything that will inject some zing into the marriage. You have to work to keep the relationship from going stale. Don't worry, this is fun work.