When I was considering my recent move to Asheville, my mind quickly went to the wonderful friends I would be leaving in Pennsylvania.
My heart sank-boy, I sure would miss them.
But then I realized if I hadn't taken the chance to relocate with my company and move to that area, I wouldn't have met them in the first place.
It was fascinating to think about all the changes through the years that lead to meeting the wonderful people that are now so important to me.
Last May, I facilitated a session for singles at the last Creative Retirement Exploratory Weekend sponsored by the Center for Creative Retirement here in Asheville.
I was surprised by the number of people who shared their biggest concern about moving was making new friends.
One participant repeated a saying my mother told me years ago, "It's hard to make friends when you're old.
" Even worse, I confess I've even said it myself.
Now I realize that is a limiting belief.
If you do not believe something is possible, you will not attempt it or devote much energy to achieving it.
More often than not, you believe a limiting belief as true because you've learned it from someone else you respect, a cultural "norm," or from an "authority" such as a book or the media (we all know how influential they can be).
How did this piece of conventional wisdom evolve? My friend Marie, is 81 and continues to make friends-everyone seems to know (and love) her.
Alice, age 90, recently moved here to be near her daughter, plays bridge twice a week with her new friends in her independent living community.
If you're a Baby Boomer and worried about making friends (whether you are relocating or not), here are some tips for you: 1.
Friendships blossom with a common bond.
Certainly work is a natural breeding ground for friendships since so much time is spent there.
Find something you enjoy and you will meet people you have something in common with-maybe it's the church you attend, volunteering for a cause you believe in, or attending a life-long learning class.
2.
Join smaller groups.
A lot of people would describe me as out-going and friendly, but I dread large events where you do a lot of small talk.
In the new large church I recently joined when I moved, I decided their Wednesday suppers wasn't for me.
Instead I participate in their dinner group program where four couples serve meals at their homes with a more intimate conversation (they had to flex their rule to accommodate me as a single).
Don't expect to get to know people at a large meeting--sign up for a committee where you get to work with 8-10 people.
3.
Make the first step.
If you meet someone you'd like to know better, ask them a question or extend a compliment to them.
Many times when entering a seminar or a meeting, I will sit down near a person who is sitting by themselves and is likely to be open to starting a conversation with me.
Take a chance and invite them to coffee, lunch or a related activity.
4.
Keep connected.
Although I have moved several times in my life, I make time to keep in touch with the special friends I've met through the years.
We connect by phone, email, even text (I am such a modern woman) and we make time to visit with each other periodically.
5.
Your heart expands as it needs to.
Remember telling your older child that the new baby doesn't replace him/her-that your heart has enough room for both? The same works for friends.
As I write this, the girl scout song I learned in childhood, "Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and other's gold" is playing in my head.
If you're like me, you realize that some of your silver friends have gradually turned gold.
Treasure them all.
"We need old friends to help us grow old and new friends to help us stay young.
" Letty Cottin Pogrebin
My heart sank-boy, I sure would miss them.
But then I realized if I hadn't taken the chance to relocate with my company and move to that area, I wouldn't have met them in the first place.
It was fascinating to think about all the changes through the years that lead to meeting the wonderful people that are now so important to me.
Last May, I facilitated a session for singles at the last Creative Retirement Exploratory Weekend sponsored by the Center for Creative Retirement here in Asheville.
I was surprised by the number of people who shared their biggest concern about moving was making new friends.
One participant repeated a saying my mother told me years ago, "It's hard to make friends when you're old.
" Even worse, I confess I've even said it myself.
Now I realize that is a limiting belief.
If you do not believe something is possible, you will not attempt it or devote much energy to achieving it.
More often than not, you believe a limiting belief as true because you've learned it from someone else you respect, a cultural "norm," or from an "authority" such as a book or the media (we all know how influential they can be).
How did this piece of conventional wisdom evolve? My friend Marie, is 81 and continues to make friends-everyone seems to know (and love) her.
Alice, age 90, recently moved here to be near her daughter, plays bridge twice a week with her new friends in her independent living community.
If you're a Baby Boomer and worried about making friends (whether you are relocating or not), here are some tips for you: 1.
Friendships blossom with a common bond.
Certainly work is a natural breeding ground for friendships since so much time is spent there.
Find something you enjoy and you will meet people you have something in common with-maybe it's the church you attend, volunteering for a cause you believe in, or attending a life-long learning class.
2.
Join smaller groups.
A lot of people would describe me as out-going and friendly, but I dread large events where you do a lot of small talk.
In the new large church I recently joined when I moved, I decided their Wednesday suppers wasn't for me.
Instead I participate in their dinner group program where four couples serve meals at their homes with a more intimate conversation (they had to flex their rule to accommodate me as a single).
Don't expect to get to know people at a large meeting--sign up for a committee where you get to work with 8-10 people.
3.
Make the first step.
If you meet someone you'd like to know better, ask them a question or extend a compliment to them.
Many times when entering a seminar or a meeting, I will sit down near a person who is sitting by themselves and is likely to be open to starting a conversation with me.
Take a chance and invite them to coffee, lunch or a related activity.
4.
Keep connected.
Although I have moved several times in my life, I make time to keep in touch with the special friends I've met through the years.
We connect by phone, email, even text (I am such a modern woman) and we make time to visit with each other periodically.
5.
Your heart expands as it needs to.
Remember telling your older child that the new baby doesn't replace him/her-that your heart has enough room for both? The same works for friends.
As I write this, the girl scout song I learned in childhood, "Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and other's gold" is playing in my head.
If you're like me, you realize that some of your silver friends have gradually turned gold.
Treasure them all.
"We need old friends to help us grow old and new friends to help us stay young.
" Letty Cottin Pogrebin