We all have friends that try and top us. You know this friend. When you get a promotion, he takes over an entire division. When you say you have been really swamped lately, they say they are always busy! When you get sick, they complain about an illness that was so bad no one in the world had ever had it as bad as they did.

What do we do with the friend who has to top everything we say (good and bad) with a story about them?

Are they selfish? Really our friend? Here’s some insight.

The Selfish, “It’s All About Me” Friend

Not every friend is genuine, and when they top you it does mean they are trying to put you down. This type of friend can’t stand to hear about someone else, especially a friend. This type of friend can resemble a frenemy, but they’re actually very different. Where a frenemy loves it when you’re down, a selfish friend that tops you does not want you to go through bad times but they also don’t want the spotlight on you to shine too brightly either.

A friend like this can sometimes be made aware of their bad behavior, but be cautious when bringing it up. They may lash out and only improve their way of doing things after your friendship is over.

When One Friend Is a Little Jealous

Sometimes a friendship gets stuck in a rut, with one person consistently going through hard times and the other one giving encouragement. Maybe one friend is single and can’t find the right one, and the other friend is happily married.

In this instance, the married friend will be used to giving the single friend encouragement and hope. But what happens when that situation changes?

What if the single friend suddenly has a great relationship, and the married friend feels threatened? The married friend may feel the need to “top” the stories their single friend tells just to make themselves feel better. Why does this happen? Because the married friend felt good about their life when their friend was single. In this example, the married friend has become slightly jealous.

This can occur in a variety of instances, but is usually short-lived. When both friends adjust to the change in the friendship, the jealousy will subside and their relationship will get back to normal. This will take self-awareness from the friend who is jealous and forgiveness from the other friend.

The Clueless Communicator

For some, celebrating your success means talking about themselves and everyone else they know who has had a similar success. They just don’t get how to be silent and let you tell your story, or to simply say “congratulations” or “well done.”

Some of these friends are extroverts, and do their thinking as they talk, so while you think they’re trying to top you they might just be searching for the right words to express how happy they are for you.

Topping You May Be Their Way of Trying to Give You Sympathy

Not everyone is gifted at interpersonal relations, so for some, topping you is the way they show you how much they “get” what you’re going through. Their stories are often exaggerated (Oh, you have a cold? I’ve had the flu for five years straight!) as a way demonstrate solidarity.

This type of friend is sweet and while annoying at times, harmless. They have your best interests at heart. In fact, they might be the one defending you the loudest if they hear nasty rumors or gossip. They don’t realize there is a much better way to give friends sympathy, of course, but that doesn’t matter. Just go with it.