Are Desperation and Obligation the Only Reasons People Get Married?
Desperation & Obligation I'm going to get straight to the point - people get married for one of two (or both) reasons - desperation and / or obligation.
And I don't care how you argue the case, marriage boils down to one (or both) of these two things.
Marriage is a man made institution that has the primary intention of controlling human instinct of trying to forbid another human to act in accordance with nature, and of trying to make the virtually impossible possible.
Statistics prove that the majority of marriages do not last a lifetime (as intended), and even if a marriage does last a lifetime, this fact alone does not mean that it was a 'successful' marriage, that each partner was monogamous or that the offspring of that marriage are healthy-minded individuals.
And this is where the point I am making becomes a circular argument that simply compounds itself with logic, much to the annoyance of the masses...
Marriage is the unity of two people who do not truly trust each other, for if they did, then there would be no need for the marriage in the first place.
When two people decide to marry, they are basing their decision on either desperation - because they are worried that their partner might leave them, they are afraid of being alone in old age, they are concerned that the person they are with might be the best they will ever get; or they are basing their decision on obligation - they feel that it is the 'right thing to do', they are concerned that society will judge them should they breed without marriage, they worry that it is the only way to truly express their commitment to their partner.
And whether we like it or not, desperation and obligation are not particularly good reasons to do anything.
Even if you argue the case that you might marry for love, or as a way of showing your commitment, or as a method of uniting your lives, or (God forbid) as a way of appeasing God, you are still arguing in favor of desperation and obligation - why do you need to be married to support your argument? There is no other answer...
it is simply desperation and obligation.
Why is it that we find ourselves in a situation where our society imposes the edict of marriage on any long term relationship? Why do couples who have been together for 2 years have to endure the never-ending stream of "when are you getting married?" questions? Why is it not acceptable to be in love, be happy, be together, without the need for marriage as a validation of your relationship? Why do men continue to get down on one knee, beg for a woman's hand in marriage, buy her a ridiculously over-priced ring, endure the petty drama of a wedding and all that it entails, accept the responsibility of family life and then allow themselves to pay alimony once that family life is over? Why do women allow themselves to be beholden to a man? Why do they accept that Motherhood is their life's purpose? Why do they endure infidelities and abuse at the hands of insensitive and unromantic men? (I am aware that the above examples are gross simplifications; that many women are bread-winners, that many couples breed without matrimony; that the world is not exactly like this - but my point is that the general view and purpose of marriage is one of distinct roles, and when these roles are confused, the case for marriage is still further undermined).
The reason that so many people accept these situations, the reason that so many divorcees encourage their children to marry, the reason that marriage is so prevalent in our society (and so essential in most societies) cannot possibly be logic - for if it was a decision based on logic, most people simply need to look at their own parents to see how miserable they are in wedlock, and if their parents seem happy, then they simply need to look at their parent's friends, or their own friends, even the general public to be aware that the logic of being married does not exist; particularly if one looks at the rate, the effect and the financial, emotional or habitual disaster of divorce.
Yet, despite the overwhelming evidence of unhappy marriages, divorce, infidelity and the failure of our own relationships, we still insist that "for us it will be different", we still over-ride our gut instinct that is screaming out the truth, we still ignore the fact that we are surrounded with short term and disastrous unions, we still do not see that change is an essential part of all human life, and we decide to marry.
And despite our need to justify this decision as one based on pure logic and intelligence, this cannot possibly be the case, for logic does not allow us to see a promise for life as a truly logical or believable promise, logic tells us that we are not built to be monogamous, logic trumps marriage in every way.
And so, again, there is only one way to see the decision to be married - desperation and obligation.
And at this point, I will no longer ram my point down your throat, I will allow it to simply germinate in your mind, where you will find that the circular nature of my musings will always bring you back to the same place - desperation and obligation.
Sorry.
The truth hurts - but it's still true.
Guy Blews
And I don't care how you argue the case, marriage boils down to one (or both) of these two things.
Marriage is a man made institution that has the primary intention of controlling human instinct of trying to forbid another human to act in accordance with nature, and of trying to make the virtually impossible possible.
Statistics prove that the majority of marriages do not last a lifetime (as intended), and even if a marriage does last a lifetime, this fact alone does not mean that it was a 'successful' marriage, that each partner was monogamous or that the offspring of that marriage are healthy-minded individuals.
And this is where the point I am making becomes a circular argument that simply compounds itself with logic, much to the annoyance of the masses...
Marriage is the unity of two people who do not truly trust each other, for if they did, then there would be no need for the marriage in the first place.
When two people decide to marry, they are basing their decision on either desperation - because they are worried that their partner might leave them, they are afraid of being alone in old age, they are concerned that the person they are with might be the best they will ever get; or they are basing their decision on obligation - they feel that it is the 'right thing to do', they are concerned that society will judge them should they breed without marriage, they worry that it is the only way to truly express their commitment to their partner.
And whether we like it or not, desperation and obligation are not particularly good reasons to do anything.
Even if you argue the case that you might marry for love, or as a way of showing your commitment, or as a method of uniting your lives, or (God forbid) as a way of appeasing God, you are still arguing in favor of desperation and obligation - why do you need to be married to support your argument? There is no other answer...
it is simply desperation and obligation.
Why is it that we find ourselves in a situation where our society imposes the edict of marriage on any long term relationship? Why do couples who have been together for 2 years have to endure the never-ending stream of "when are you getting married?" questions? Why is it not acceptable to be in love, be happy, be together, without the need for marriage as a validation of your relationship? Why do men continue to get down on one knee, beg for a woman's hand in marriage, buy her a ridiculously over-priced ring, endure the petty drama of a wedding and all that it entails, accept the responsibility of family life and then allow themselves to pay alimony once that family life is over? Why do women allow themselves to be beholden to a man? Why do they accept that Motherhood is their life's purpose? Why do they endure infidelities and abuse at the hands of insensitive and unromantic men? (I am aware that the above examples are gross simplifications; that many women are bread-winners, that many couples breed without matrimony; that the world is not exactly like this - but my point is that the general view and purpose of marriage is one of distinct roles, and when these roles are confused, the case for marriage is still further undermined).
The reason that so many people accept these situations, the reason that so many divorcees encourage their children to marry, the reason that marriage is so prevalent in our society (and so essential in most societies) cannot possibly be logic - for if it was a decision based on logic, most people simply need to look at their own parents to see how miserable they are in wedlock, and if their parents seem happy, then they simply need to look at their parent's friends, or their own friends, even the general public to be aware that the logic of being married does not exist; particularly if one looks at the rate, the effect and the financial, emotional or habitual disaster of divorce.
Yet, despite the overwhelming evidence of unhappy marriages, divorce, infidelity and the failure of our own relationships, we still insist that "for us it will be different", we still over-ride our gut instinct that is screaming out the truth, we still ignore the fact that we are surrounded with short term and disastrous unions, we still do not see that change is an essential part of all human life, and we decide to marry.
And despite our need to justify this decision as one based on pure logic and intelligence, this cannot possibly be the case, for logic does not allow us to see a promise for life as a truly logical or believable promise, logic tells us that we are not built to be monogamous, logic trumps marriage in every way.
And so, again, there is only one way to see the decision to be married - desperation and obligation.
And at this point, I will no longer ram my point down your throat, I will allow it to simply germinate in your mind, where you will find that the circular nature of my musings will always bring you back to the same place - desperation and obligation.
Sorry.
The truth hurts - but it's still true.
Guy Blews