This year, for the first time, I figured I'd get ahead of the game and buy my wife her Christmas present well in advance so that I wouldn't be running round like an idiot at 16:00 on Christmas Eve desperately trying to find inspiration for the love of my life's extra special Christmas gift.
So, I sat back and thought what do women like.
My first thought was shoes, quickly followed by 'How Much?' after keying the words Manolo Blahnik and Jimmy Choo into Google.
So I sat back again and strategised: what is it that all women have, that is individual to them and exclusive to women.
That's when I had my Eureka moment - handbags.
All women have them and they always certainly could use another.
Plus buying a bag will give her the excuse to go and buy another pair of shoes herself thus saving me the bother of having to think about, choose or spend my own money on said shoes.
Simple, a handbag is a handbag right? What do I know about handbags? Nothing except the handbag seems to be a cross between Pandora's Box and the Tardis: capable of holding far more on the inside that you would believe possible from the outside but also holding all the ills of the world in their deep dark depths, secrets you just wouldn't want to go near.
My first mistake was that I went to a shop.
My second was that I actually spoke to a shop assistant who asked what kind of bag I was looking for.
My third was just that I came off as a complete gibbering idiot when faced with the array of styles of bags that are available: and this is the point of this post.
For any other poor unsuspecting bloke who might think about buying a handbag - here is a cribber's guide.
Clutch bag: a clutch bag is an evening bag (yes there are even different kinds of bags for times of day).
It is small, long and rectangular and does not have a handle.
Tote: this is a medium to large bag with two straps that can easily be carried one-handed; they usually have long straps and an open top that you can just drop everything into.
Bucket bag: exactly how they sound, big bag, bucket shaped with a zip-up top.
Messenger bag: a bag with a long single strap that is carried across the body, i.
e.
from one shoulder, across the chest down to the opposite hip.
Satchels: normally made of soft leather with two large handles Baguette: shaped like French stick but inedible.
Barrel bags: these are long tubular bags with long straps to hang over the shoulder.
Pouch handbag: these are normally made of some soft material without any kind of rigid form - they hang from the handles.
Wedding bag: long elegant looking bag normally of a rectangle shape in some kind of fancy material.
Kelly bag: a big handbag with a particular kind of fastener that apparently makes your other half feel like Grace Kelly.
So, that's the lowdown on handbags.
Problem is when you go into a shop and use your new-found expertise on the shop assistant she's still going to think you're a weirdo.
Far safer, cheaper and less embarrassing to do it online.
So, I sat back and thought what do women like.
My first thought was shoes, quickly followed by 'How Much?' after keying the words Manolo Blahnik and Jimmy Choo into Google.
So I sat back again and strategised: what is it that all women have, that is individual to them and exclusive to women.
That's when I had my Eureka moment - handbags.
All women have them and they always certainly could use another.
Plus buying a bag will give her the excuse to go and buy another pair of shoes herself thus saving me the bother of having to think about, choose or spend my own money on said shoes.
Simple, a handbag is a handbag right? What do I know about handbags? Nothing except the handbag seems to be a cross between Pandora's Box and the Tardis: capable of holding far more on the inside that you would believe possible from the outside but also holding all the ills of the world in their deep dark depths, secrets you just wouldn't want to go near.
My first mistake was that I went to a shop.
My second was that I actually spoke to a shop assistant who asked what kind of bag I was looking for.
My third was just that I came off as a complete gibbering idiot when faced with the array of styles of bags that are available: and this is the point of this post.
For any other poor unsuspecting bloke who might think about buying a handbag - here is a cribber's guide.
Clutch bag: a clutch bag is an evening bag (yes there are even different kinds of bags for times of day).
It is small, long and rectangular and does not have a handle.
Tote: this is a medium to large bag with two straps that can easily be carried one-handed; they usually have long straps and an open top that you can just drop everything into.
Bucket bag: exactly how they sound, big bag, bucket shaped with a zip-up top.
Messenger bag: a bag with a long single strap that is carried across the body, i.
e.
from one shoulder, across the chest down to the opposite hip.
Satchels: normally made of soft leather with two large handles Baguette: shaped like French stick but inedible.
Barrel bags: these are long tubular bags with long straps to hang over the shoulder.
Pouch handbag: these are normally made of some soft material without any kind of rigid form - they hang from the handles.
Wedding bag: long elegant looking bag normally of a rectangle shape in some kind of fancy material.
Kelly bag: a big handbag with a particular kind of fastener that apparently makes your other half feel like Grace Kelly.
So, that's the lowdown on handbags.
Problem is when you go into a shop and use your new-found expertise on the shop assistant she's still going to think you're a weirdo.
Far safer, cheaper and less embarrassing to do it online.