- 1). Recognize the loss, followed by a statement that uses the deceased's name. For instance, you could say, "I am so sorry for your loss. John Smith was such a kind and giving person." Adding the name gives your condolences a personal touch, rather than being generic.
- 2). Offer your sympathy. Tell the survivors that the news saddens you, that the individual will be greatly missed, and that you will be thinking about or praying for the family.
- 3). Tell the survivors something positive and memorable about the person who passed. You might say, "Sarah was such a giving person and had the warmest heart." Focus on the individual's greatest qualities, as this lets everyone think about the deceased fondly. It may even provoke a smile from others.
- 4). Share a memory that you have about the person. If you worked together, tell the survivors about a time you and the individual did something goofy or fun. Talk about the time you were kids and learned how to ride bikes or the infamous trip you took to the vineyards one year. Relate your anecdote to the good qualities the deceased had.
- 5). Let the survivors know that you are available to help them out in any way. Lend a helping hand to help them get through the mourning period. Tell them to call on you for anything. If you feel a special kinship with the family, offer to bring them a meal in the next week.
- 6). Conclude your letter or finish up your verbal condolences with encouragement. Encourage the survivors to stay strong, have hope, keep their faith and focus on the good. Or, insert a religious or faith-inspiring quote or poem that you know and that is appropriate for the situation.
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