Growing up as a kid my sister was going though some heavy drug use.
She was about twelve and I was just three years behind her.
I was scared with what was going on with my family.
I learned how to stay isolated though video games.
This is where I believe my addiction started to manifest its self.
I had a disease inside me starting to grow and the world as I knew it was starting to die.
My family problems continued to grow.
I continued to stay disconnected though online video games.
I was very curious about drugs and what they were doing to my sister.
Most kids in middle school would check out fiction books and get lost in an adventure.
I was checking out books on drugs.
I was already obsessed.
I still remember looking up words such as euphoria and skipping over all the negative side effects.
I told myself I would never do drugs after seeing the devastating effects they had on my family.
That didn't last long.
It wasn't until I was in about 10th grade when depression from my youth was starting to take a toll on my mental health.
I hated the way I looked and felt.
I had no idea how to cope with my feelings and emotions other than escaping through video games.
There was always a sense of me being the odd one out.
I remember the first day I got high.
I had smoked a lot of weed.
It was like I had finally found that escape I always wanted.
That night I ate dinner with my family stoned out of my mind, and I got away with it.
Little did I know that I was starting to self destruct.
After the weed came the booze.
I drank fast and heavily.
The thought of controlling my drinking never crossed my mind.
I thought it was normal to drink and black out.
The partying got more frequent and started to get harder.
The pills came into the picture.
My first taste of opiates was like I had swallowed a little piece of heaven.
No more pain, or thinking, and it felt amazing.
I was addicted to drugs from day one.
All my class mates were hooked.
We were selling and stealing drugs to get by before we even got to school.
At some point I had lost complete control over my actions.
I no longer had the choice to get high anymore.
I had become an addict.
I was doing drugs I said I would never do such a crystal meth.
I was watching my life get destroyed in the third person.
As to who I was as a person I had no clue.
Death was lingering above my head and for me that was the only way out.
I was to the point were I was getting so loaded I was blacking out for days in a row.
That's not normal for a twenty year old.
I was self destructing.
By the grace of a higher power I got a DUI one night during a black out and woke up in jail.
I was given the choice to go to rehab, or not return home.
Of course I chose rehab.
Rehab taught me I had a disease, and not a moral deficiency.
I stayed clean for a few months after I got out then I relapsed.
I am grateful I didn't die, and made it back to the rooms of Narcotics anonymous where I choose to recover.
I am only twenty-one now.
I wrote this today to inspire anyone especially the youth to seek help if you might have a problem.
This is the best I have ever lived.
No longer do I have to use to make it through the day.
There is a place to get help.
I just had to ask for it which was the hardest part.
She was about twelve and I was just three years behind her.
I was scared with what was going on with my family.
I learned how to stay isolated though video games.
This is where I believe my addiction started to manifest its self.
I had a disease inside me starting to grow and the world as I knew it was starting to die.
My family problems continued to grow.
I continued to stay disconnected though online video games.
I was very curious about drugs and what they were doing to my sister.
Most kids in middle school would check out fiction books and get lost in an adventure.
I was checking out books on drugs.
I was already obsessed.
I still remember looking up words such as euphoria and skipping over all the negative side effects.
I told myself I would never do drugs after seeing the devastating effects they had on my family.
That didn't last long.
It wasn't until I was in about 10th grade when depression from my youth was starting to take a toll on my mental health.
I hated the way I looked and felt.
I had no idea how to cope with my feelings and emotions other than escaping through video games.
There was always a sense of me being the odd one out.
I remember the first day I got high.
I had smoked a lot of weed.
It was like I had finally found that escape I always wanted.
That night I ate dinner with my family stoned out of my mind, and I got away with it.
Little did I know that I was starting to self destruct.
After the weed came the booze.
I drank fast and heavily.
The thought of controlling my drinking never crossed my mind.
I thought it was normal to drink and black out.
The partying got more frequent and started to get harder.
The pills came into the picture.
My first taste of opiates was like I had swallowed a little piece of heaven.
No more pain, or thinking, and it felt amazing.
I was addicted to drugs from day one.
All my class mates were hooked.
We were selling and stealing drugs to get by before we even got to school.
At some point I had lost complete control over my actions.
I no longer had the choice to get high anymore.
I had become an addict.
I was doing drugs I said I would never do such a crystal meth.
I was watching my life get destroyed in the third person.
As to who I was as a person I had no clue.
Death was lingering above my head and for me that was the only way out.
I was to the point were I was getting so loaded I was blacking out for days in a row.
That's not normal for a twenty year old.
I was self destructing.
By the grace of a higher power I got a DUI one night during a black out and woke up in jail.
I was given the choice to go to rehab, or not return home.
Of course I chose rehab.
Rehab taught me I had a disease, and not a moral deficiency.
I stayed clean for a few months after I got out then I relapsed.
I am grateful I didn't die, and made it back to the rooms of Narcotics anonymous where I choose to recover.
I am only twenty-one now.
I wrote this today to inspire anyone especially the youth to seek help if you might have a problem.
This is the best I have ever lived.
No longer do I have to use to make it through the day.
There is a place to get help.
I just had to ask for it which was the hardest part.