"He spent most of his career protecting children from Internet stalkers. Turns out he was doing it so he could have them all to himself." --Jon Stewart
"Former Florida Congressman Mark Foley has resigned over allegations he sent explicit emails to underage boys. What is it with Congress? If they?re not grabbing your wallet, they?re grabbing your ass." ?Jay Leno
"How about that Florida congressman Mark Foley?
Whoa. At least the Democrats wait until the interns are 18." ?David Letterman
"The Republicans reacted quickly. They transferred Foley to a different parish." ?David Letterman
"The big question, of course, for this congressman, who was an online sex predator to a 16-year-old, is -- what drove him to it? [on screen: multiple newscasts saying Foley blamed alcohol]. The sauce. Sad juice. Satan's breast milk. Uncle Scotchy's anger wrangler. The active ingredient in Nyquil. That's why he did this thing. For if not for alcohol, it would have never crossed his mind. Mark Foley's problem wasn't that he drank, it was what he drank: Young Boyschlager. It's got real bits of young boy in it. You don't stand a chance." --Jon Stewart
"The Foley saga quickly sent leaders of the North American Man-Boy Love Association, or Congress, into action." --Jon Stewart
"So basically Pages are brought down there to perform sexual exploits for legislators?" ?Jon Stewart
"No, that's what the interns are for. Pages are just the aphrodisiacs, set the mood, get them primed.
They?re the Fluffers of Liberty." ?Daily Show correspondent Samantha Bee (Watch video clip)
"I don't think Foley gets it. Today he apologized and promised to turn over a new page." ?Jay Leno
"Apparently he had text message phone sex with a boy during a vote on funding for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. No one can say he's soft on terror." --Jimmy Kimmel
"New Rule: When you screw up royally and attribute your behavior to alcoholism, then mental illness, and then claim you were molested as a child, you have to just say, "Screw it," and keep going and say you were also beaten dyslexic, babysat by John Mark Karr, wore hand-me-down clothes, got picked last in kickball, turned tricks for money, lived out of a van, had superfluous nipples and got sent back to Cuba by Janet Reno." --Bill Maher
"He's in rehab, which means it only happened because he was drinking. We've all done it folks -- drunk dialing. It's just that in Foley's case, it was drunk texting erotic messages to underage pages about masturbation. ... It's simple. You drink, you forget things -- especially things that could endanger minors." --Stephen Colbert
"It's unbelievable the way the mainstream media is reporting this thing. Listening to them, you'd think it's all Foley's fault. Don't you think the kids bear some of the blame here? Hear me out. Let's be fair. How can a 53-year-old, six-term congressman hold out against the snares and seductive trickery of a high school student from the rural South?" --Stephen Colbert
"Alcohol is an amazing thing. It turns completely normal politicians into perverts and completely normal actors into anti-Semites." --Jimmy Kimmel
Daily Show correspondent John Oliver, asked why GOP leaders did not remove Foley from the Missing and Exploited Children's Committee after discovering the sexually explicit e-mails: "That's just the way it's done. Everyone knows that Congress people are assigned to committees based on their great weakness. ... Why would Senator Ted Stevens, a man more comfortable in the horse and buggy era, be in charge of regulating the Internet? Which he believes is a series of tubes -- a series of tubes through which other congressmen can reach through and fondle 16-year-olds."
"So let that be a lesson to anyone running for Congress. You can Foley some of the people some of the time, but you can?t Foley all of the people all of the time." ?Jay Leno
"This incident is changing the way many big companies do business in Washington. Like Tobacco companies are now hiring underage boys as lobbyists because they know that?s the best way to reach congressmen." ?Jay Leno
"Bush lost focus on Iraq because Congressman Mark Foley wouldn't stop sending him inappropriate emails." --the #1 item on David Letterman's list of the Top 10 Surprises in Bob Woodward's New Book
"Former Florida Congressman Mark Foley has resigned over allegations he sent explicit emails to underage boys. What is it with Congress? If they?re not grabbing your wallet, they?re grabbing your ass." ?Jay Leno
"How about that Florida congressman Mark Foley?
Whoa. At least the Democrats wait until the interns are 18." ?David Letterman
"The Republicans reacted quickly. They transferred Foley to a different parish." ?David Letterman
"The big question, of course, for this congressman, who was an online sex predator to a 16-year-old, is -- what drove him to it? [on screen: multiple newscasts saying Foley blamed alcohol]. The sauce. Sad juice. Satan's breast milk. Uncle Scotchy's anger wrangler. The active ingredient in Nyquil. That's why he did this thing. For if not for alcohol, it would have never crossed his mind. Mark Foley's problem wasn't that he drank, it was what he drank: Young Boyschlager. It's got real bits of young boy in it. You don't stand a chance." --Jon Stewart
"The Foley saga quickly sent leaders of the North American Man-Boy Love Association, or Congress, into action." --Jon Stewart
"So basically Pages are brought down there to perform sexual exploits for legislators?" ?Jon Stewart
"No, that's what the interns are for. Pages are just the aphrodisiacs, set the mood, get them primed.
They?re the Fluffers of Liberty." ?Daily Show correspondent Samantha Bee (Watch video clip)
"I don't think Foley gets it. Today he apologized and promised to turn over a new page." ?Jay Leno
"Apparently he had text message phone sex with a boy during a vote on funding for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. No one can say he's soft on terror." --Jimmy Kimmel
"New Rule: When you screw up royally and attribute your behavior to alcoholism, then mental illness, and then claim you were molested as a child, you have to just say, "Screw it," and keep going and say you were also beaten dyslexic, babysat by John Mark Karr, wore hand-me-down clothes, got picked last in kickball, turned tricks for money, lived out of a van, had superfluous nipples and got sent back to Cuba by Janet Reno." --Bill Maher
"He's in rehab, which means it only happened because he was drinking. We've all done it folks -- drunk dialing. It's just that in Foley's case, it was drunk texting erotic messages to underage pages about masturbation. ... It's simple. You drink, you forget things -- especially things that could endanger minors." --Stephen Colbert
"It's unbelievable the way the mainstream media is reporting this thing. Listening to them, you'd think it's all Foley's fault. Don't you think the kids bear some of the blame here? Hear me out. Let's be fair. How can a 53-year-old, six-term congressman hold out against the snares and seductive trickery of a high school student from the rural South?" --Stephen Colbert
"Alcohol is an amazing thing. It turns completely normal politicians into perverts and completely normal actors into anti-Semites." --Jimmy Kimmel
Daily Show correspondent John Oliver, asked why GOP leaders did not remove Foley from the Missing and Exploited Children's Committee after discovering the sexually explicit e-mails: "That's just the way it's done. Everyone knows that Congress people are assigned to committees based on their great weakness. ... Why would Senator Ted Stevens, a man more comfortable in the horse and buggy era, be in charge of regulating the Internet? Which he believes is a series of tubes -- a series of tubes through which other congressmen can reach through and fondle 16-year-olds."
"So let that be a lesson to anyone running for Congress. You can Foley some of the people some of the time, but you can?t Foley all of the people all of the time." ?Jay Leno
"This incident is changing the way many big companies do business in Washington. Like Tobacco companies are now hiring underage boys as lobbyists because they know that?s the best way to reach congressmen." ?Jay Leno
"Bush lost focus on Iraq because Congressman Mark Foley wouldn't stop sending him inappropriate emails." --the #1 item on David Letterman's list of the Top 10 Surprises in Bob Woodward's New Book