I lost love and I do not even know how I did it.
Let me call this guy John, for the sake of his privacy.
John was in a very comfortable relationship with Sara and he liked things just the way they were.
The problem was, Sara was not content with where things were.
John and Sara were a couple, but still lived in their own apartments.
Here is what John told me.
"Sara and I were in love, but I still wanted to keep my options open.
I really enjoyed being around her but I was definitely not ready to live together or get engaged or anything like that.
I figured there was a lot of fun to be had in life.
But since Sara's roommate was getting married she was going to need a place to live and she decided my place was the best option.
Thinking back I just was not ready to take that step and in what I did.
I lost love that I was not ready to lose.
One night I was out with the guys and things got out of hand with some girls we met.
Word got back to Sara and she broke up with me.
If I was ready for the commitment of living together I am pretty sure I would have never done what I did when the guys and I were out that night.
Truth is, I think it scared me.
I lost the girl I loved but she was a girl I was not ready to make a commitment to.
I miss her but I guess I am going to look for someone that will be the love of my life instead of just someone to love while I keep looking.
" Sound familiar at all? Whenever couples ratchet up the relationship it absolutely has to be to the agreement of both people.
Sara probably knew that John was not ready for commitment but let her situation "nudge" him along.
It backfired.
Sara was probably telling her friends "I lost love" too.
Relationships are something that usually do not stay the same; they either grow or they die.
What is yours doing? Many people just do not realize that a relationship needs to be nurtured and that can be work sometimes.
Overall, it should be enjoyable work as you grow WITH the person you love.
If you do not grow with them, you probably are growing away from them.
On the other hand, people are not play things.
If you are hanging on to someone just to enjoy them, or take advantage of them, until someone better comes along, then that is really unfair.
At some point they are probably going to be very hurt if they do not figure it out before you dump them.
If they do figure it out they probably, and hopefully, will dump you when you are least expecting it and not ready for it.
That will hurt you and you will be the one complaining "I lost love", even though you actually deserve it.
Look for someone who has the qualities that you want to work with in building a relationship for the long term.
Otherwise, make it clear to the person that you are really just good friends and that at some point you will be moving on in life.
That is fair to both of you and will lessen the pain for everyone.
Let me call this guy John, for the sake of his privacy.
John was in a very comfortable relationship with Sara and he liked things just the way they were.
The problem was, Sara was not content with where things were.
John and Sara were a couple, but still lived in their own apartments.
Here is what John told me.
"Sara and I were in love, but I still wanted to keep my options open.
I really enjoyed being around her but I was definitely not ready to live together or get engaged or anything like that.
I figured there was a lot of fun to be had in life.
But since Sara's roommate was getting married she was going to need a place to live and she decided my place was the best option.
Thinking back I just was not ready to take that step and in what I did.
I lost love that I was not ready to lose.
One night I was out with the guys and things got out of hand with some girls we met.
Word got back to Sara and she broke up with me.
If I was ready for the commitment of living together I am pretty sure I would have never done what I did when the guys and I were out that night.
Truth is, I think it scared me.
I lost the girl I loved but she was a girl I was not ready to make a commitment to.
I miss her but I guess I am going to look for someone that will be the love of my life instead of just someone to love while I keep looking.
" Sound familiar at all? Whenever couples ratchet up the relationship it absolutely has to be to the agreement of both people.
Sara probably knew that John was not ready for commitment but let her situation "nudge" him along.
It backfired.
Sara was probably telling her friends "I lost love" too.
Relationships are something that usually do not stay the same; they either grow or they die.
What is yours doing? Many people just do not realize that a relationship needs to be nurtured and that can be work sometimes.
Overall, it should be enjoyable work as you grow WITH the person you love.
If you do not grow with them, you probably are growing away from them.
On the other hand, people are not play things.
If you are hanging on to someone just to enjoy them, or take advantage of them, until someone better comes along, then that is really unfair.
At some point they are probably going to be very hurt if they do not figure it out before you dump them.
If they do figure it out they probably, and hopefully, will dump you when you are least expecting it and not ready for it.
That will hurt you and you will be the one complaining "I lost love", even though you actually deserve it.
Look for someone who has the qualities that you want to work with in building a relationship for the long term.
Otherwise, make it clear to the person that you are really just good friends and that at some point you will be moving on in life.
That is fair to both of you and will lessen the pain for everyone.