Change.
Some people avoid it more than they prepare for it, preferring to act like if they don't see it, it's not there.
Does pulling a blanket over your head to keep the boogyman out seem smart to you? On the other hand, some prepare for it -- and then fight themselves in accepting that it happens.
I guess you know how this goes.
You've just gotten safe, gotten comfortable, and then here it comes again, dammit.
You have to accept that change is inevitable.
Ready or not, everything changes.
Kids grow up, adults too.
Relationships evolve into different directions.
Jobs come and go.
Careers can be interrupted by events outside your control.
EVERYTHING changes.
You do too, only your self-concept often changes more slowly than you would consciously see.
The key word here is conscious.
Awareness of your ability, responsibility and power to change can bring you to places you've only ever dreamed of, and out of uncomfortable or painful situations you only thought were unchangeable.
For the most part, humans are resilient, adaptive creatures.
We can tolerate some really painful events to achieve our goals, so it doesn't always do to throw away everything you've achieved and built for yourself every time something new and sparkly beckons faintly over the the horizon.
Don't change anything unless what you're changing for is better than the thing you're changing --not because it's the New Best Thing -- how many of those have you seen come and go? And how many of those have you tried and didn't stick with? How will you know it's time? When the pain of changing is outweighed by the pain of staying the same, you have to create the time to assess the situation clearly, and without blame or shame.
Ask yourself the following questions: Do you want this situation to change? A decision without a strong motivation propelling you usually fizzles out.
And leaves you weakened in self-respect and self-confidence.
In what direction? Establish a positive, concrete, life-affirming goal (or goals).
Don't use vague sentences like, "It would be good if I get my on-line business started this year...
" It would be better than good if you actually have a plan to set up an on-line store by this month to sell these products using this marketing plan, etc.
Be specific, use measurable, achievable goals.
Using what resources available? List them down.
List all of them down.
How can I take care of myself and my resources without draining either as I gear up to change? Sustainability is key.
Momentary changes, like most New Year's resolution, die out after weeks.
If you want the changes you are making to stick, better set it up so that success is inevitable.
If you're anxious and can't focus on exactly what you want to change in your life, sit down in a quite place and ask yourself the following questions on not-changing anything: What will happen if I continue what I'm doing, using my current pattern? Answer as truthfully as you can.
Do you want that future? Is that probable future something I really want for myself? For my family? Am I ready to accept the consequences of what I am currently doing on this path, in this situation -- to my self and others? What do I really want instead? If you're committed to changing specific parts of your life for the better, you have to keep a few things in mind: The belief that "successful choice = successful change" is misleading.
It's too simplistic.
How will you know if the choice is a success? Success is relative.
For one thing, the concept of 'success' is different for everyone.
Turning down a drink is easy if you've never been one for liquor, but for someone who's trying to save himself from drowning, that simple decision carries the weight of the world, and he has to make that choice hour after hour, and day by day.
For another, the choices we make don't always result in the changes we want.
Think about the choices you made that resulted in situations that weren't quite what you had in mind.
The gift that wasn't received in the spirit it was given.
The business decision that tanked.
The date that didn't go well, to put it mildly.
People rarely change pro-actively.
It's usually a growing discomfort with the status quo that prods them that there might, just might be a need to change.
Be aware of the inner resistance to changing, that is a normal reaction.
Training yourself to move onward despite that resistance builds discipline, self-respect, and awareness of your growing capabilities.
And, realizing you can prepare, and that you can change your situation so you can meet the future without fear, gives you time to check out options, and that is priceless.
Here's some general advice to help you along the way: 1) Find out what things or situations have hurt or drained you before.
Save yourself some time and avoid them.
1.
1) ID your pattern - how many times have you run into something like this before.
"You forgot to ___, and then ____ happens.
Every time.
" 2) Create a vision -- see things that aren't there yet, and exercise your power to make them real.
3) Make a decision .
It does not have to perfect.
Perfect is an ideal.
Ideals exist in the head, and we work towards the ideal in the real world.
Make the best decisions you can for the real world, not the perfect decision in your head.
4) Let go.
Release your attachment.
Willing things to happen is all well and good, but realize that once you commit to action, it's out there, in the real world.
And in the real world, there is always stuff you can't control.
The only things you can control are what goes on inside you.
Act, and let go.
5) Face the boogyman.
Okay, you have a hard time letting go.
Be a pessimist and make up the worst case scenario you can think of, fueled by all your bad experience and nighttime fears.
How likely is it that your worst case scenario will come true? See, it's all in your head.
That means you can control it.
6) Take action.
Make the change.
Some people avoid it more than they prepare for it, preferring to act like if they don't see it, it's not there.
Does pulling a blanket over your head to keep the boogyman out seem smart to you? On the other hand, some prepare for it -- and then fight themselves in accepting that it happens.
I guess you know how this goes.
You've just gotten safe, gotten comfortable, and then here it comes again, dammit.
You have to accept that change is inevitable.
Ready or not, everything changes.
Kids grow up, adults too.
Relationships evolve into different directions.
Jobs come and go.
Careers can be interrupted by events outside your control.
EVERYTHING changes.
You do too, only your self-concept often changes more slowly than you would consciously see.
The key word here is conscious.
Awareness of your ability, responsibility and power to change can bring you to places you've only ever dreamed of, and out of uncomfortable or painful situations you only thought were unchangeable.
For the most part, humans are resilient, adaptive creatures.
We can tolerate some really painful events to achieve our goals, so it doesn't always do to throw away everything you've achieved and built for yourself every time something new and sparkly beckons faintly over the the horizon.
Don't change anything unless what you're changing for is better than the thing you're changing --not because it's the New Best Thing -- how many of those have you seen come and go? And how many of those have you tried and didn't stick with? How will you know it's time? When the pain of changing is outweighed by the pain of staying the same, you have to create the time to assess the situation clearly, and without blame or shame.
Ask yourself the following questions: Do you want this situation to change? A decision without a strong motivation propelling you usually fizzles out.
And leaves you weakened in self-respect and self-confidence.
In what direction? Establish a positive, concrete, life-affirming goal (or goals).
Don't use vague sentences like, "It would be good if I get my on-line business started this year...
" It would be better than good if you actually have a plan to set up an on-line store by this month to sell these products using this marketing plan, etc.
Be specific, use measurable, achievable goals.
Using what resources available? List them down.
List all of them down.
How can I take care of myself and my resources without draining either as I gear up to change? Sustainability is key.
Momentary changes, like most New Year's resolution, die out after weeks.
If you want the changes you are making to stick, better set it up so that success is inevitable.
If you're anxious and can't focus on exactly what you want to change in your life, sit down in a quite place and ask yourself the following questions on not-changing anything: What will happen if I continue what I'm doing, using my current pattern? Answer as truthfully as you can.
Do you want that future? Is that probable future something I really want for myself? For my family? Am I ready to accept the consequences of what I am currently doing on this path, in this situation -- to my self and others? What do I really want instead? If you're committed to changing specific parts of your life for the better, you have to keep a few things in mind: The belief that "successful choice = successful change" is misleading.
It's too simplistic.
How will you know if the choice is a success? Success is relative.
For one thing, the concept of 'success' is different for everyone.
Turning down a drink is easy if you've never been one for liquor, but for someone who's trying to save himself from drowning, that simple decision carries the weight of the world, and he has to make that choice hour after hour, and day by day.
For another, the choices we make don't always result in the changes we want.
Think about the choices you made that resulted in situations that weren't quite what you had in mind.
The gift that wasn't received in the spirit it was given.
The business decision that tanked.
The date that didn't go well, to put it mildly.
People rarely change pro-actively.
It's usually a growing discomfort with the status quo that prods them that there might, just might be a need to change.
Be aware of the inner resistance to changing, that is a normal reaction.
Training yourself to move onward despite that resistance builds discipline, self-respect, and awareness of your growing capabilities.
And, realizing you can prepare, and that you can change your situation so you can meet the future without fear, gives you time to check out options, and that is priceless.
Here's some general advice to help you along the way: 1) Find out what things or situations have hurt or drained you before.
Save yourself some time and avoid them.
1.
1) ID your pattern - how many times have you run into something like this before.
"You forgot to ___, and then ____ happens.
Every time.
" 2) Create a vision -- see things that aren't there yet, and exercise your power to make them real.
3) Make a decision .
It does not have to perfect.
Perfect is an ideal.
Ideals exist in the head, and we work towards the ideal in the real world.
Make the best decisions you can for the real world, not the perfect decision in your head.
4) Let go.
Release your attachment.
Willing things to happen is all well and good, but realize that once you commit to action, it's out there, in the real world.
And in the real world, there is always stuff you can't control.
The only things you can control are what goes on inside you.
Act, and let go.
5) Face the boogyman.
Okay, you have a hard time letting go.
Be a pessimist and make up the worst case scenario you can think of, fueled by all your bad experience and nighttime fears.
How likely is it that your worst case scenario will come true? See, it's all in your head.
That means you can control it.
6) Take action.
Make the change.