Few of us enjoy being criticized.
Of course we may benefit from constructive criticism, but how do we know whom to trust? We recall the cartoon in which Lucy announces, "In order to make you a better person, Charlie Brown, I've made a list of your faults," whereupon she unrolls a seemingly endless scroll.
Do we rely on the friend or family member who insists, "I'm only telling you this for your own good, dear"? Let me suggest that if someone goes to the trouble of pointing out a defect in your performance, you take what you can from the remark.
If someone points out a flaw on your golf swing, an error in your grammar or spelling, a social faux pas, or a mistake in the way you've hooked up an electronic appliance-profit from the observation if you can.
But when you've really made a mess of things-a failure on a test or exam, the bankruptcy of a business, the end of a marriage-it seems but a small step from "I failed the exam" to "I'm a failure," and unfortunately there always seems to be someone around to help you take that step.
Beware of those who criticize your inner being-you listen to their words at your peril.
Taking this kind of criticism to heart leads to negative self-beliefs such as "I have to be perfect," "I'm inadequate," "I am insignificant," or "I don't deserve love.
" Such mistaken beliefs have a corrosive effect on your sense of self-worth and undermine your ability to enjoy a fulfilling life.
Sometimes a remark from a friend seems to reinforce an existing negative self-belief acquired in childhood, such as "I am a bad person," "I am worthless," "I am stupid," or "I am a disappointment.
" The repetition gives the illusion of validation.
If two different people say the same thing, doesn't it have to be true? These debilitating lies often require the assistance of a psychotherapist to eradicate since they constitute core beliefs created early in life before the formation of the rational mind.
This means that they cannot be removed simply by an appeal to reason.
You can't be "talked out of" negative beliefs such as "I deserve to be miserable," "I am not good enough," or "I am not lovable.
" Yet too often our very self-image takes its shape from these destructive illusions.
Profit from criticism of your performance when you can, but as for criticism of your personality: avoid it like the plague.
Of course we may benefit from constructive criticism, but how do we know whom to trust? We recall the cartoon in which Lucy announces, "In order to make you a better person, Charlie Brown, I've made a list of your faults," whereupon she unrolls a seemingly endless scroll.
Do we rely on the friend or family member who insists, "I'm only telling you this for your own good, dear"? Let me suggest that if someone goes to the trouble of pointing out a defect in your performance, you take what you can from the remark.
If someone points out a flaw on your golf swing, an error in your grammar or spelling, a social faux pas, or a mistake in the way you've hooked up an electronic appliance-profit from the observation if you can.
But when you've really made a mess of things-a failure on a test or exam, the bankruptcy of a business, the end of a marriage-it seems but a small step from "I failed the exam" to "I'm a failure," and unfortunately there always seems to be someone around to help you take that step.
Beware of those who criticize your inner being-you listen to their words at your peril.
Taking this kind of criticism to heart leads to negative self-beliefs such as "I have to be perfect," "I'm inadequate," "I am insignificant," or "I don't deserve love.
" Such mistaken beliefs have a corrosive effect on your sense of self-worth and undermine your ability to enjoy a fulfilling life.
Sometimes a remark from a friend seems to reinforce an existing negative self-belief acquired in childhood, such as "I am a bad person," "I am worthless," "I am stupid," or "I am a disappointment.
" The repetition gives the illusion of validation.
If two different people say the same thing, doesn't it have to be true? These debilitating lies often require the assistance of a psychotherapist to eradicate since they constitute core beliefs created early in life before the formation of the rational mind.
This means that they cannot be removed simply by an appeal to reason.
You can't be "talked out of" negative beliefs such as "I deserve to be miserable," "I am not good enough," or "I am not lovable.
" Yet too often our very self-image takes its shape from these destructive illusions.
Profit from criticism of your performance when you can, but as for criticism of your personality: avoid it like the plague.