Parenting Tips on How to Instill the Right Attitude towards Life and the Need for Mindset Change
In a discussion with a group of parents, this question was posed to them. Which is more important? To encourage your child to acquire the right attitude towards life or to encourage your child to push his examination marks from 90 to 100. Obviously, everyone acknowledged that it is more important to encourage your child to learn and acquire the right attitude towards life as the right attitude would benefit him for the rest of his life whereas pushing the marks from 90 to 100 would only benefit him for that one event only.
However, what do you think most of the parents are doing to their children in reality? Most of the parents are doing exactly the opposite; i.e. they are doing everything possible to help their children to push the marks from 90 to 100 and are totally ignoring the need to help their children to learn and acquire the right attitude towards life. So what they say differs from what they have actually done; i.e. they are saying or preaching one thing but doing yet another thing which is totally different. How can these parents earn the respect of their children when what they are doing is not what they are saying? It is no wonder that children begin to rebel against their parents when they reach the age of 10 and above and we now consider the rebellious behavior as "normal" during the development stage of our children.
The so called "rebellious stage" is a new product that becomes apparent in the last one or two decades. It is not found anywhere in our human history. The reason for not having the so called "rebellious stage" is because our ancestors focused on teaching their children filial piety and respecting the elders from the very early age of their children. When a child knows how to be filial to the parent and respect the elders, there is no way that he can rebel against the parent. How do our ancestors teach filial piety and respect the elders to their children? They did it by role modeling. Our ancestors not only say but actually do it for their children to emulate.
For example, if you say to your child to respect and to speak softly to his parent; however, when you speak to your own parent, you shout and are most disrespectful. What you say is not reflected in your action. Do you think he is going to listen to your teaching and follow your teaching? Very difficult, as he may be thinking in his heart that if you cannot do it yourself, there is no reason for you to expect him to do it. When more and more such incidents accumulate and your child feels that he has grown up and is strong enough, he will openly oppose you by telling you that if you cannot do it, do not impose upon him.
"Rebellious Stage" is not normal in the child's development. The cause for children to be rebellious is that the parents are doing thing that differs from their preaching. And of course, the influence that he receives from the society in which he lives in and the peers he associates with is also another contributing factor. He needs to have a solid and strong moral foundation to be able to filter the good values from the bad ones.
If we believe that learning and acquiring the right attitude towards life is more important than pushing the marks from 90 to 100, then we as parent must provide the role model so that our actions reflect one hundred percent of what we are saying to our children. Our children believe in what they see and not what they hear.
However, what do you think most of the parents are doing to their children in reality? Most of the parents are doing exactly the opposite; i.e. they are doing everything possible to help their children to push the marks from 90 to 100 and are totally ignoring the need to help their children to learn and acquire the right attitude towards life. So what they say differs from what they have actually done; i.e. they are saying or preaching one thing but doing yet another thing which is totally different. How can these parents earn the respect of their children when what they are doing is not what they are saying? It is no wonder that children begin to rebel against their parents when they reach the age of 10 and above and we now consider the rebellious behavior as "normal" during the development stage of our children.
The so called "rebellious stage" is a new product that becomes apparent in the last one or two decades. It is not found anywhere in our human history. The reason for not having the so called "rebellious stage" is because our ancestors focused on teaching their children filial piety and respecting the elders from the very early age of their children. When a child knows how to be filial to the parent and respect the elders, there is no way that he can rebel against the parent. How do our ancestors teach filial piety and respect the elders to their children? They did it by role modeling. Our ancestors not only say but actually do it for their children to emulate.
For example, if you say to your child to respect and to speak softly to his parent; however, when you speak to your own parent, you shout and are most disrespectful. What you say is not reflected in your action. Do you think he is going to listen to your teaching and follow your teaching? Very difficult, as he may be thinking in his heart that if you cannot do it yourself, there is no reason for you to expect him to do it. When more and more such incidents accumulate and your child feels that he has grown up and is strong enough, he will openly oppose you by telling you that if you cannot do it, do not impose upon him.
"Rebellious Stage" is not normal in the child's development. The cause for children to be rebellious is that the parents are doing thing that differs from their preaching. And of course, the influence that he receives from the society in which he lives in and the peers he associates with is also another contributing factor. He needs to have a solid and strong moral foundation to be able to filter the good values from the bad ones.
If we believe that learning and acquiring the right attitude towards life is more important than pushing the marks from 90 to 100, then we as parent must provide the role model so that our actions reflect one hundred percent of what we are saying to our children. Our children believe in what they see and not what they hear.