A true, tacky story: Yesterday, and never before, I heard a nationally-syndicated radio show mention a portable pooch toy that pounds your shin. Later, without any effort, I discovered myself inadvertently staring at a similar article on the Internet. And, last evening, on our much beloved About Humor, right there in the advertisements column, a classified blurb barked: ''Boner the Humping Dog!''
I was pleased to have attracted such a fine sponsorship, of course.

But, more importantly, someone was trying to tell me something. I need to get a wife.

Oh, yeah. I'm already married. So, I guess someone was trying to tell me to investigate that puppy. Uh huh, that must be it.

At last! After thousands of dollars and decades, my journalism training jumped into action and I got to fetch you some Boner. Here's what's up with him:

He's an actual, battery-powered plush pet. Place him anywhere on anything and he'll perform the mutt macarena. I'm anticipating hijinks ensue.

Oh, my. Just in time for Christmas, the perfect gift item. This might be the most popular toy since Hickey Me Elmo.

Visit the commercial venues below to see Boner the Humpin' Hound a k a Boner the Humping Dog. Buy one and wear your clutch cargo pants.

A bad taste test, however, shows not all of these items appear to be the same animal. One's a Chihuahua and another is a stuffed Beagle. I'd explain further, but canine genetics are not my strong point. You're welcome to take your pick of the litter.

And a final word, because I am a man of conscience. Please practice safe slacks.

Go:Boner the Humpin' Hound Official Site with a moving violation -- uh, demonstration.

Go:Boner the Humping Hound with, dare I say, streaming video @ Wonderfully Wacky.

Related:That's Gross! | Animals and Pets Humor | Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Dumpsite