Listening Without Hearing
by Connie H. Deutsch
Did you ever notice how many people look like they're listening to your every word but they haven't heard a word you're saying? It doesn't seem to matter if you're a customer and you're placing an order or trying to resolve a problem with an existing order, most of the time they don't hear a thing you're saying.
Some of these people can even repeat back to you what you've said but they're just repeating the words. In actuality, they haven't really heard what you've said even though they remember the words.
I have a client who can repeat back to you everything you've said, verbatim, without understanding the message. I once gave him a homework assignment where I asked him to listen to three minutes of anything, be it a newscast or a story, or anything involving words, and then he had to write down what the person was saying.
The amazing thing was that he was able to repeat every single word he heard but he had a very difficult time knowing what the message was. He told me that it was the most difficult assignment that I had ever given him.
Now take a look at the people in your life. The most amazing thing is that there are a couple of different ways they listen to you. One way is that they think that what you're saying doesn't apply to them.
If you need down time and don't want to be disturbed; you don't want to talk on the phone or get on the Internet, they agree with you but they think it applies to everyone else but them. I don't know what makes them think that they should be excluded from that directive, but they do. Each person thinks that you couldn't possibly mean her or him; you just mean everyone else but him or her.
But, most of all, the thing that is so blatantly obvious is that people hear only what they want to hear. It doesn't matter what is being said or who is saying it, they still only hear what they want to hear.
They've done studies on how people listen and, the interesting thing is that when you ask them to recount a conversation they had with someone, they remember 65% of what they said but only remember 35% of what the other person said.
All of which makes me wonder how useful the art of conversation really is.
by Connie H. Deutsch
Did you ever notice how many people look like they're listening to your every word but they haven't heard a word you're saying? It doesn't seem to matter if you're a customer and you're placing an order or trying to resolve a problem with an existing order, most of the time they don't hear a thing you're saying.
Some of these people can even repeat back to you what you've said but they're just repeating the words. In actuality, they haven't really heard what you've said even though they remember the words.
I have a client who can repeat back to you everything you've said, verbatim, without understanding the message. I once gave him a homework assignment where I asked him to listen to three minutes of anything, be it a newscast or a story, or anything involving words, and then he had to write down what the person was saying.
The amazing thing was that he was able to repeat every single word he heard but he had a very difficult time knowing what the message was. He told me that it was the most difficult assignment that I had ever given him.
Now take a look at the people in your life. The most amazing thing is that there are a couple of different ways they listen to you. One way is that they think that what you're saying doesn't apply to them.
If you need down time and don't want to be disturbed; you don't want to talk on the phone or get on the Internet, they agree with you but they think it applies to everyone else but them. I don't know what makes them think that they should be excluded from that directive, but they do. Each person thinks that you couldn't possibly mean her or him; you just mean everyone else but him or her.
But, most of all, the thing that is so blatantly obvious is that people hear only what they want to hear. It doesn't matter what is being said or who is saying it, they still only hear what they want to hear.
They've done studies on how people listen and, the interesting thing is that when you ask them to recount a conversation they had with someone, they remember 65% of what they said but only remember 35% of what the other person said.
All of which makes me wonder how useful the art of conversation really is.