Just like any other art.
The art of forgiving is a science and must be practiced daily to forgive with skill and ease.
Studies have been able to show links between unforgiveness with various physical illnesses and certain cancers.
When you refuse to forgive those that have wronged you, you hold on to the pain and the emotions of that hurt.
Much like stress works in the body so does unforgiveness.
When you refuse to forgive it creates anger, guilt, stress and other intense emotions or energy for which there is no outlet.
You're like a pressure cooker ready to blow, however you never release all the steam.
Your mind, body and spirit are in a constant state of conflict.
I once worked with a client who had been the victim of overwhelming amounts of racism.
Although his anger was understandable and justifiable, he refused to forgive those that had wronged him.
He was always angry and had constant triggers to remind him of how unfairly he had been treated.
By the time he came to see me his unconscious mind was constantly being triggered, and he was unable to distinguish between real and imagined acts of racism toward him.
Because he was holding on to the trauma of the events that had happened to him and refused to forgive, he was constantly reliving the experience.
He was in his early 40's, had major heart trouble, his hair was falling out and he was experiencing panic attacks.
Imagine to his surprise the peace that he felt when he started to forgive.
What he realized was that forgiving wasn't excusing those that had treated him poorly, nor did it justify what they had done.
Most important he realized that forgiving didn't minimize his experience.
His health improved and he stopped having panic attacks.
Forgiving doesn't mean that you have to allow that person back into you life, it's not pretending everything is fine, stuffing away angry or hurt feelings, condoning hurtful behavior, or that you have to reconcile or have contact with an offender.
It simply means that you make the choice to no longer allow that person to run around rent free in your head.
It means letting go of anger or resentment.
It is a choice not to let the past compromise your future by negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors.
It means that you make the choices about your happiness.
An exercise in forgiveness Find a comfortable place to sit and quiet your mind and body.
Imagine the presence of someone you feel resentment toward or who has caused you pain.
Start with something small, not someone who has caused you great harm.
Invite that person into your heart, noticing any emotions that block his or her entrance.
Then silently say, "I forgive you," for whatever he or she may have done, intentionally or unintentionally.
As you breathe and relax, forgive and let go of the resentment.
After a few minutes, imagine letting the person depart, touched by the possibility of your forgiveness.
Repeat the exercise with the image of someone you may have hurt, asking forgiveness for yourself.
Next, forgive yourself for the things you judge harshly in yourself.
This exercise can be valuable even if it proves difficult or unsatisfying.
Take note of any emotions or thoughts that prevent forgiveness and use what you learn to identify issues you may want to address in a relationship or in psychotherapy.
-- Adapted from Guided Meditations, Explorations and Healings, by Stephen Levine
The art of forgiving is a science and must be practiced daily to forgive with skill and ease.
Studies have been able to show links between unforgiveness with various physical illnesses and certain cancers.
When you refuse to forgive those that have wronged you, you hold on to the pain and the emotions of that hurt.
Much like stress works in the body so does unforgiveness.
When you refuse to forgive it creates anger, guilt, stress and other intense emotions or energy for which there is no outlet.
You're like a pressure cooker ready to blow, however you never release all the steam.
Your mind, body and spirit are in a constant state of conflict.
I once worked with a client who had been the victim of overwhelming amounts of racism.
Although his anger was understandable and justifiable, he refused to forgive those that had wronged him.
He was always angry and had constant triggers to remind him of how unfairly he had been treated.
By the time he came to see me his unconscious mind was constantly being triggered, and he was unable to distinguish between real and imagined acts of racism toward him.
Because he was holding on to the trauma of the events that had happened to him and refused to forgive, he was constantly reliving the experience.
He was in his early 40's, had major heart trouble, his hair was falling out and he was experiencing panic attacks.
Imagine to his surprise the peace that he felt when he started to forgive.
What he realized was that forgiving wasn't excusing those that had treated him poorly, nor did it justify what they had done.
Most important he realized that forgiving didn't minimize his experience.
His health improved and he stopped having panic attacks.
Forgiving doesn't mean that you have to allow that person back into you life, it's not pretending everything is fine, stuffing away angry or hurt feelings, condoning hurtful behavior, or that you have to reconcile or have contact with an offender.
It simply means that you make the choice to no longer allow that person to run around rent free in your head.
It means letting go of anger or resentment.
It is a choice not to let the past compromise your future by negative thoughts, emotions and behaviors.
It means that you make the choices about your happiness.
An exercise in forgiveness Find a comfortable place to sit and quiet your mind and body.
Imagine the presence of someone you feel resentment toward or who has caused you pain.
Start with something small, not someone who has caused you great harm.
Invite that person into your heart, noticing any emotions that block his or her entrance.
Then silently say, "I forgive you," for whatever he or she may have done, intentionally or unintentionally.
As you breathe and relax, forgive and let go of the resentment.
After a few minutes, imagine letting the person depart, touched by the possibility of your forgiveness.
Repeat the exercise with the image of someone you may have hurt, asking forgiveness for yourself.
Next, forgive yourself for the things you judge harshly in yourself.
This exercise can be valuable even if it proves difficult or unsatisfying.
Take note of any emotions or thoughts that prevent forgiveness and use what you learn to identify issues you may want to address in a relationship or in psychotherapy.
-- Adapted from Guided Meditations, Explorations and Healings, by Stephen Levine