"You deserve very little credit for being what you are-and remember, the people who come to you irritated, bigoted, unreasoning, deserve little discredit for being what they are."

I find the above statement so powerful which I used from Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People. The reason for me writing this post was inspired by this book as I am sure many others will be.

If we do in fact try to genuinely view things from others points of view, we can better understand ourselves and others while providing the needed sympathy they so desire. How do we re-wire ourselves from what we know as a natural reaction and behavior of defending ourselves into taking people by surprise and defending them? Not many will expect the type of behavior where they are treated respectfully or sympathetically, others taking the blame or fault, and being told they are right…or will they? As I have mentioned in other posts and how Carnegie describes, we are emotional creatures and can easily treat others unfairly or cast blame upon them without a second thought. This is what I mean when I tell others that we often allow our emotions get the best of us and control our thoughts and actions.
Criticize myself?

I have been enlightened throughout my personal path on leadership concepts and ideas to take a long hard look at myself before blaming or judging others. Carnegie provides and explanation of how the outcomes of initiating self-judgment and criticism reverses the effects it would otherwise have if we allowed our natural desires of defending ourselves take control. By applying this principle in life and leadership we can influence others to do the same through following our example. This isn't the first time you have heard a statement like that ‘lead by example' or ‘set the example'. It also reminds me of the movie Pay it Forward where we can do good unto others so that they may reciprocate such behaviors within their personal relationships and may even find its way back to you. If we place value on others they are sure to follow on their own merit and rather than being required to do so they will want to do so.

I often think of my Wife and I and how I can be a better person or how I can help influence both our behaviors in changing. We always joke with each other about who is right more often than not. Sometimes it may even brew into that discomforting silence period because one of us isn't getting the upper hand. Where does it get us? It gets us nowhere and creates a negative atmosphere which halts any progress in what we are attempting to accomplish, as well as within our relationship. Does it really matter who is right at the risk of losing those things dearest to you? Relationships are the foundation for everything in this life and we should cherish every one of them, even if it means admitting that others are right when you know they are dead wrong.

The best way to figure out who you are and appear to others is by asking others. Really! Ask a friend, family member, or a co-worker what they think about you and how you come off to them and others. We are often blinded by our own judgments and how we view ourselves. Are we not overly judgmental of people? Think about what they say about you? You will never know who you are in others eyes unless you allow them to criticize you for a moment. My father was always right and everyone else was wrong. No really, he truly felt this way most of his life. I remember one day that he said "maybe it's me, and not everone else". It didn't make a difference because no one ever told him the impression he made on others and he continued to have bad relationships which even included family members. Though my father meant the world to me and it pains me to say this, the truth is that he passed away alone with no one by his side. Do you want that to be you?

Start criticizing who you are!