Familiarity breeds contempt if you allow it to.
On the other hand being familiar with our partner's way of being helps to develop appreciation.
This is the cornerstone of every mature relationship.
Humans have a knack of making generalizations, which sometimes serves us well.
What a bind it would be if every time we encountered a door we had to work out how it functioned.
Our mind generalizes things in order to make them easier.
Couples who are experiencing a lull in their sexual activity often blame the other, "she is always busy with the children".
"He thinks more about his car than he does me.
" Their needs are not being met and frustration sets in.
This downward spiral spins out of control as other seemingly minor issues become exaggerated.
Sounds familiar? This is especially true when couples move in together - the stresses and pressures of living attach themselves to every part of their relationship.
Money worries are discussed in bed, the bedroom becomes a place of debate and concern.
Pillow talk turns sour, what was once a hotbed of desire and intimacy becomes lukewarm at best.
Can you relate to this? The bedroom is a sacred place where we retreat from the weight of worldly things, where we sleep and regenerate our batteries, where we connect with our partner emotionally and physically.
Eastern philosophies discourage having pictures of anyone else in the bedroom other than the couple.
I was puzzled by this at first then understood the significance.
The bedroom is the place of focus in the house, for relating to one and other and sharing.
So make time and find somewhere else to discuss finances and practical matters.
I know you are probably thinking 'time' I never have enough time, never mind making more time.
But time is abundant once you take an inventory of your day.
Don't take my word for it - try it out by making a list of everything you do during a typical day and the time you spend doing it.
Notice the word 'spend', if you see time as currency you will view it and use it more wisely.
Once you've made your list make two columns on a separate piece of paper with the headings 'essentials' and 'non-essentials' and see how much time currency you spend on non-essentials, you may be willing to give some of these up or limit them in order to invest more in your relationship and intimacy.
Marriage and living together is sometimes blamed for sexual apathy.
The excitement and novelty is gone and sex becomes routine and a chore for some.
This has nothing to do with marriage or living together.
This has everything to do with a couple's attitude to sex.
Variety comes from communication.
Variety is a basic human need that has more opportunity within a relationship than without.
Do you think I'm mad for saying this? I know it sounds crazy when I say it but it's true.
Another basic need we have is safety and certainty which contradicts the need for variety.
But wait - if we combine the two, feeling safe while exploring variety, means we get two needs met.
Do you really know your partner, their fantasies and sexual curiosities? Maybe you could ask them and share yours too.
Too many couples spend their entire relationship trying to 'mind read' the other and expecting the other to 'mind read' them.
Come on people explore each other, have some fun and enjoy being playful.
You may discover that you share a saucy fantasy that you can enjoy and feel safe sharing with each other.
So now you've prioritized some time for intimacy.
This doesn't have to be a set time on a set day, it can still have structure without being routine.
Experiment, explore and enjoy the process of giving thought and attention to this important part of your relationship.
When we give value to things they become more valuable.
Think about, nay ask each other what needs are being met and which aren't.
Remember that all human behavior is merely an attempt to move towards pleasure or away from pain.
If your partner doesn't instigate sex it may be because they fear rejection, having been rejected time and time again they may have become unconsciously programmed to avoid the pain of rejection.
It really can be that simple.
Communication is the root of all solutions.
On the other hand being familiar with our partner's way of being helps to develop appreciation.
This is the cornerstone of every mature relationship.
Humans have a knack of making generalizations, which sometimes serves us well.
What a bind it would be if every time we encountered a door we had to work out how it functioned.
Our mind generalizes things in order to make them easier.
Couples who are experiencing a lull in their sexual activity often blame the other, "she is always busy with the children".
"He thinks more about his car than he does me.
" Their needs are not being met and frustration sets in.
This downward spiral spins out of control as other seemingly minor issues become exaggerated.
Sounds familiar? This is especially true when couples move in together - the stresses and pressures of living attach themselves to every part of their relationship.
Money worries are discussed in bed, the bedroom becomes a place of debate and concern.
Pillow talk turns sour, what was once a hotbed of desire and intimacy becomes lukewarm at best.
Can you relate to this? The bedroom is a sacred place where we retreat from the weight of worldly things, where we sleep and regenerate our batteries, where we connect with our partner emotionally and physically.
Eastern philosophies discourage having pictures of anyone else in the bedroom other than the couple.
I was puzzled by this at first then understood the significance.
The bedroom is the place of focus in the house, for relating to one and other and sharing.
So make time and find somewhere else to discuss finances and practical matters.
I know you are probably thinking 'time' I never have enough time, never mind making more time.
But time is abundant once you take an inventory of your day.
Don't take my word for it - try it out by making a list of everything you do during a typical day and the time you spend doing it.
Notice the word 'spend', if you see time as currency you will view it and use it more wisely.
Once you've made your list make two columns on a separate piece of paper with the headings 'essentials' and 'non-essentials' and see how much time currency you spend on non-essentials, you may be willing to give some of these up or limit them in order to invest more in your relationship and intimacy.
Marriage and living together is sometimes blamed for sexual apathy.
The excitement and novelty is gone and sex becomes routine and a chore for some.
This has nothing to do with marriage or living together.
This has everything to do with a couple's attitude to sex.
Variety comes from communication.
Variety is a basic human need that has more opportunity within a relationship than without.
Do you think I'm mad for saying this? I know it sounds crazy when I say it but it's true.
Another basic need we have is safety and certainty which contradicts the need for variety.
But wait - if we combine the two, feeling safe while exploring variety, means we get two needs met.
Do you really know your partner, their fantasies and sexual curiosities? Maybe you could ask them and share yours too.
Too many couples spend their entire relationship trying to 'mind read' the other and expecting the other to 'mind read' them.
Come on people explore each other, have some fun and enjoy being playful.
You may discover that you share a saucy fantasy that you can enjoy and feel safe sharing with each other.
So now you've prioritized some time for intimacy.
This doesn't have to be a set time on a set day, it can still have structure without being routine.
Experiment, explore and enjoy the process of giving thought and attention to this important part of your relationship.
When we give value to things they become more valuable.
Think about, nay ask each other what needs are being met and which aren't.
Remember that all human behavior is merely an attempt to move towards pleasure or away from pain.
If your partner doesn't instigate sex it may be because they fear rejection, having been rejected time and time again they may have become unconsciously programmed to avoid the pain of rejection.
It really can be that simple.
Communication is the root of all solutions.