When was the last time you roared with laughter? "LOL" is an Internet abbreviation for Laugh Out Loud, which is easy to write in the virtual world of e-mail, but not so easy for many people to do in the real world, especially in front of other people.
If you have been criticized for the sound or the tone or the timing of your laugh, you probably rein yours in.
Because of hurtful criticism, some people haven't let themselves have a good laugh in years, which is unfortunate because the physical and mental aspects of laughing are very healthy, perhaps even having survival value.
"Unbuckle Your Chuckle!" What a great slogan.
I wish I had thought of it.
It belongs to The Lolo Fun Company, makers of award-winning games designed to help people laugh without resorting to conventional jokes and comedy.
Such emotionally safe activities help to heal the damage done to our self-esteem when we have been assaulted by sense-of-humor abusers.
SENSE OF HUMOR ABUSE I coined the term sense-of-humor abuse to describe toxic social and psychological factors that motivate many people to curb their laughter and rein in their humor.
In childhood and as adults, an all-too-typical result of that kind of treatment is that people buckle up their laughter, modifying and restraining it out of fear of ridicule or criticism.
Shut it down, hold it back, suppress and stifle their laughter, often creating a kind of humor phobia.
Who are the abusers? They might have been adults or other kids.
For example, the schoolyard bullies and so-called friends who teased us with insulting zingers and put-down jokes.
When we complained or showed that our feelings were hurt, they blamed us for not having a sense of humor, because after all, they were only joking and, "What's the matter with you? Can't you take a joke?" Or, others who criticized us for the sound of our laugh.
"Too loud! Too giggley! A cackle! A horse laugh! A snort! Silly! Inappropriate!" That is how abusers talk.
Healthy children in a safe, calm environment laugh naturally, spontaneously and un-self-consciously, starting only several weeks out of the womb.
But as soon as we become aware of disapproval we are provoked to modify our mirthful murmurings in order to fend off the pain of rejection, e.
g.
, "You laugh too loud.
" "That is a horrible giggle.
" After that, our laughter is never quite the same, never quite as satisfying.
After that, when we laugh, we mentally look over our shoulders, apprehensive, lest some other stinging smart-alec critique might be coming at us.
AUTHENTIC LAUGHTER/FALSE LAUGHTER When conditions are conducive to laughter, e.
g.
, calm environment, safe from threats/predators, healthy, well-fed, comfortable, starting at about 4-6 weeks old, smiles, gurgles, giggles and laughter emanate from us spontaneously.
It is all quite innocent.
Whether it oozes out of us softly or erupts, we do not lie in the crib or cradle trying out different laughs and picking one that we like best.
The loudness, pitch, timbre, rhythms, and glee of our laughter occur naturally.
And, because it comes through our vocal cords, it has our own unique vocal qualities.
It has authenticity.
When we get negative feedback about the sound of our laughter from parents, teachers, and other members of the 'appropriateness police', we begin the process of trying to modify the laugh in order to gain acceptance and approval.
This modification is the adoption of the false laugh, which becomes so well practiced that we reach a point where we believe it is our real laugh.
But it is not our authentic laughter.
We can re-gain the special joy and satisfaction that only comes from authentic laughter by identifying, relocating and reclaiming it.
Unbuckling our chuckles.
THERAPEUTIC LAUGHTER Traditionally, medical concepts of therapy implied fixing what's broken or finding a cure.
A more modern definition expands the concept to include strengthening what's working well, reducing stress, enhancing quality of life, and improving coping skills, self-esteem and self-confidence; empowering patients in self-care strategies.
Therapeutic laughter embodies processes that invite us to engage in systematic exposure to playfulness and true mirthful laughter in a supportive environment under the guidance of a trained leader.
Under those circumstances, often with repeated applications, we can once again experience our authentically true mirthful laughter; a great relief, and a great joy.
Free from fear of disparagement, disapproval, censure, condemnation and denigration, we can listen for our authentic laughter.
When we are truly free to be playful with each other, laughing, there is a good chance we will be able to hear our original authentic laugh.
We can feel it and locate it within ourselves.
We can embrace it and access it at will.
HEALING ATTITUDES HELPS, TOO Couple the delightful discovery of your authentic laughter with the healing of certain attitudes that contribute to stress, interfere with interpersonal relationships, and create barriers to laughter, e.
g.
, judgmental, rigid, self-absorbed, unforgiving, workaholic, and you have a mentally and emotionally healthy practice that vastly increases the likelihood that you will laugh more often and more easily.
In such an environment you can create a healthy defense against the laughter critics who would shut you up.
Accomplish this and you will always have access to your authentically joyful, carefree laughter, which is so beneficial to health and the enjoyment of life.
When you release your inhibitions and feel the deep-down joy and satisfaction of your own full-throated, out-loud, heart-felt, spontaneous authentic laughter, you have unbuckled your chuckle.
If you have been criticized for the sound or the tone or the timing of your laugh, you probably rein yours in.
Because of hurtful criticism, some people haven't let themselves have a good laugh in years, which is unfortunate because the physical and mental aspects of laughing are very healthy, perhaps even having survival value.
"Unbuckle Your Chuckle!" What a great slogan.
I wish I had thought of it.
It belongs to The Lolo Fun Company, makers of award-winning games designed to help people laugh without resorting to conventional jokes and comedy.
Such emotionally safe activities help to heal the damage done to our self-esteem when we have been assaulted by sense-of-humor abusers.
SENSE OF HUMOR ABUSE I coined the term sense-of-humor abuse to describe toxic social and psychological factors that motivate many people to curb their laughter and rein in their humor.
In childhood and as adults, an all-too-typical result of that kind of treatment is that people buckle up their laughter, modifying and restraining it out of fear of ridicule or criticism.
Shut it down, hold it back, suppress and stifle their laughter, often creating a kind of humor phobia.
Who are the abusers? They might have been adults or other kids.
For example, the schoolyard bullies and so-called friends who teased us with insulting zingers and put-down jokes.
When we complained or showed that our feelings were hurt, they blamed us for not having a sense of humor, because after all, they were only joking and, "What's the matter with you? Can't you take a joke?" Or, others who criticized us for the sound of our laugh.
"Too loud! Too giggley! A cackle! A horse laugh! A snort! Silly! Inappropriate!" That is how abusers talk.
Healthy children in a safe, calm environment laugh naturally, spontaneously and un-self-consciously, starting only several weeks out of the womb.
But as soon as we become aware of disapproval we are provoked to modify our mirthful murmurings in order to fend off the pain of rejection, e.
g.
, "You laugh too loud.
" "That is a horrible giggle.
" After that, our laughter is never quite the same, never quite as satisfying.
After that, when we laugh, we mentally look over our shoulders, apprehensive, lest some other stinging smart-alec critique might be coming at us.
AUTHENTIC LAUGHTER/FALSE LAUGHTER When conditions are conducive to laughter, e.
g.
, calm environment, safe from threats/predators, healthy, well-fed, comfortable, starting at about 4-6 weeks old, smiles, gurgles, giggles and laughter emanate from us spontaneously.
It is all quite innocent.
Whether it oozes out of us softly or erupts, we do not lie in the crib or cradle trying out different laughs and picking one that we like best.
The loudness, pitch, timbre, rhythms, and glee of our laughter occur naturally.
And, because it comes through our vocal cords, it has our own unique vocal qualities.
It has authenticity.
When we get negative feedback about the sound of our laughter from parents, teachers, and other members of the 'appropriateness police', we begin the process of trying to modify the laugh in order to gain acceptance and approval.
This modification is the adoption of the false laugh, which becomes so well practiced that we reach a point where we believe it is our real laugh.
But it is not our authentic laughter.
We can re-gain the special joy and satisfaction that only comes from authentic laughter by identifying, relocating and reclaiming it.
Unbuckling our chuckles.
THERAPEUTIC LAUGHTER Traditionally, medical concepts of therapy implied fixing what's broken or finding a cure.
A more modern definition expands the concept to include strengthening what's working well, reducing stress, enhancing quality of life, and improving coping skills, self-esteem and self-confidence; empowering patients in self-care strategies.
Therapeutic laughter embodies processes that invite us to engage in systematic exposure to playfulness and true mirthful laughter in a supportive environment under the guidance of a trained leader.
Under those circumstances, often with repeated applications, we can once again experience our authentically true mirthful laughter; a great relief, and a great joy.
Free from fear of disparagement, disapproval, censure, condemnation and denigration, we can listen for our authentic laughter.
When we are truly free to be playful with each other, laughing, there is a good chance we will be able to hear our original authentic laugh.
We can feel it and locate it within ourselves.
We can embrace it and access it at will.
HEALING ATTITUDES HELPS, TOO Couple the delightful discovery of your authentic laughter with the healing of certain attitudes that contribute to stress, interfere with interpersonal relationships, and create barriers to laughter, e.
g.
, judgmental, rigid, self-absorbed, unforgiving, workaholic, and you have a mentally and emotionally healthy practice that vastly increases the likelihood that you will laugh more often and more easily.
In such an environment you can create a healthy defense against the laughter critics who would shut you up.
Accomplish this and you will always have access to your authentically joyful, carefree laughter, which is so beneficial to health and the enjoyment of life.
When you release your inhibitions and feel the deep-down joy and satisfaction of your own full-throated, out-loud, heart-felt, spontaneous authentic laughter, you have unbuckled your chuckle.