Can a Marriage Survive an Affair? Definitely But With a Dent!
It is possible that either you or your spouse has had an affair recently. Now you are wondering can a marriage survive an affair, because for whatever reason, you have decided to call off the affair and want to patch up to save your marriage. It is not that simple to answer the question 'can a marriage survive an affair' off the cuff for the following reasons:
• You have to know what drove you or your spouse to have the affair in the first place. An honest answer to this question can lead you to the existing need gap in your marriage. If ignored or not rectified, similar affairs are bound to happen again.
• How strong or intense was the affair? If it lasted for a short time, then it is easy to reconcile oneself to the marital scene once again, but if it was long and torrid, then it might make a permanent dent in the psyche, which takes a long time to heal. This can take a toll on the post-affair marital situation.
• The last unknown area which you have to address is why did the affair end? There ought to have been some need gap there too, or was it love for you was too strong? Or was it rejection from the other end? Answer to this question, may not be very easy to find in the beginning, but nevertheless can impact your marriage survival chances to a great extent. For example, if the affair ended because your spouse got 'bored' or simply wanted to taste waters of a different shore, it reflects on his or her impulsive nature and fickle-mindedness.
Nevertheless, to answer your question 'can a marriage survive an affair' the answer is a definitive yes, though it usually leaves a scar which takes time to heal. So before you go ahead and take the following steps to save your marriage, in spite of the affair, keep in mind that it could take some time for the relationship to get back to normal:
• As a first step to rebuild your marriage after an affair, start with an open and frank dialogue with your spouse, preferably when you are alone and without any external interferences. Do not blame, accuse or throw tantrums while your spouse is admitting his or her mistake and the reasons for his or her reversing the decision. Use this time to know more about the need gaps that drove your spouse away from you, so that you can re-focus on improving such failings. However, you should express your anguish and hurt which the affair caused, and make your ex promise not to do anything of this kind in future, if he or she wants you in the marriage. Be firm and sound decisive in this matter.
• Accept that 'affairs' in a marriage are normal. It happens all the time all over the world. The art of managing life and marriage after the affair is what differentiates one couple from the other.
• While we take many harsh decisions in life, we also have to learn to forget and forgive if we want to continue to live happily. A cue to the question 'can a marriage survive an affair' can come from this gesture of forgiving your spouse for the misdeed. Of course, you have to consider your own mental disturbance and loss of pride, etc. Therefore you need to pardon him or her once, but if such behaviors are repeated, you have no other course but to walk out of the marriage.
• After the affair, you might have to start from scratch in terms of re-building the loving bond between the two of you. For this, you need to get back that spark in the relationship. This could be tough in the beginning but with some conscious effort and with the active cooperation from your partner, things could work out well.
• Once the mater is resolved, make it a point not to bring out this topic again. Never use his or her weak points to get your point across. This can be ruinous in a marriage. Remember there can never be a 'tit for tat' in a loving relationship.
Hopefully, your question 'can a marriage survive an affair' has been answered and you are now able to see the broader picture.
Why is saving your marriage so important to you?
Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions... especially marriage! We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.
Losing a spouse is one of the most emotionally traumatizing episodes in our life. It is amazing how the very thing that brings us the most pleasure also brings with it the most grief.
But don't give up on the love of your life yet. There is still hope! You can reverse deterioration of your marriage and successfully reconnect with your spouse. Use my professional and personal experience to learn how you can bring the passion back into your marriage.
• You have to know what drove you or your spouse to have the affair in the first place. An honest answer to this question can lead you to the existing need gap in your marriage. If ignored or not rectified, similar affairs are bound to happen again.
• How strong or intense was the affair? If it lasted for a short time, then it is easy to reconcile oneself to the marital scene once again, but if it was long and torrid, then it might make a permanent dent in the psyche, which takes a long time to heal. This can take a toll on the post-affair marital situation.
• The last unknown area which you have to address is why did the affair end? There ought to have been some need gap there too, or was it love for you was too strong? Or was it rejection from the other end? Answer to this question, may not be very easy to find in the beginning, but nevertheless can impact your marriage survival chances to a great extent. For example, if the affair ended because your spouse got 'bored' or simply wanted to taste waters of a different shore, it reflects on his or her impulsive nature and fickle-mindedness.
Nevertheless, to answer your question 'can a marriage survive an affair' the answer is a definitive yes, though it usually leaves a scar which takes time to heal. So before you go ahead and take the following steps to save your marriage, in spite of the affair, keep in mind that it could take some time for the relationship to get back to normal:
• As a first step to rebuild your marriage after an affair, start with an open and frank dialogue with your spouse, preferably when you are alone and without any external interferences. Do not blame, accuse or throw tantrums while your spouse is admitting his or her mistake and the reasons for his or her reversing the decision. Use this time to know more about the need gaps that drove your spouse away from you, so that you can re-focus on improving such failings. However, you should express your anguish and hurt which the affair caused, and make your ex promise not to do anything of this kind in future, if he or she wants you in the marriage. Be firm and sound decisive in this matter.
• Accept that 'affairs' in a marriage are normal. It happens all the time all over the world. The art of managing life and marriage after the affair is what differentiates one couple from the other.
• While we take many harsh decisions in life, we also have to learn to forget and forgive if we want to continue to live happily. A cue to the question 'can a marriage survive an affair' can come from this gesture of forgiving your spouse for the misdeed. Of course, you have to consider your own mental disturbance and loss of pride, etc. Therefore you need to pardon him or her once, but if such behaviors are repeated, you have no other course but to walk out of the marriage.
• After the affair, you might have to start from scratch in terms of re-building the loving bond between the two of you. For this, you need to get back that spark in the relationship. This could be tough in the beginning but with some conscious effort and with the active cooperation from your partner, things could work out well.
• Once the mater is resolved, make it a point not to bring out this topic again. Never use his or her weak points to get your point across. This can be ruinous in a marriage. Remember there can never be a 'tit for tat' in a loving relationship.
Hopefully, your question 'can a marriage survive an affair' has been answered and you are now able to see the broader picture.
Why is saving your marriage so important to you?
Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions... especially marriage! We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.
Losing a spouse is one of the most emotionally traumatizing episodes in our life. It is amazing how the very thing that brings us the most pleasure also brings with it the most grief.
But don't give up on the love of your life yet. There is still hope! You can reverse deterioration of your marriage and successfully reconnect with your spouse. Use my professional and personal experience to learn how you can bring the passion back into your marriage.