- 1). Seek support and resources to help you while you deal with your emotions. It may be difficult to do the things you would normally do or to handle your responsibilities. Ask for help from people you trust to allow you time to confront your emotions.
- 2). Identify any negative feelings you are harboring toward yourself. You shouldn't blame yourself or be angry with yourself. While victims commonly wonder what they did to cause the affair, try to avoid such negative thought patterns because they are unproductive. Often the affair had nothing to do with your own shortcomings.
- 3). Focus your attention and energy on what you want in life and how you want to proceed with the relationship following the affair. Communicate your feelings with your partner or spouse, trying to avoid blame and focusing on resolution instead. While other people will have opinions and advice, follow your own feelings. Sometimes an affair brings couples closer, and sometimes it breaks them up. It is up to you which path you want to pursue. Only you know what you are capable of and what is important in your life.
- 4). Invest in yourself. While you may be trying to reconcile or piece your relationship back together, investing in yourself will boost your self-esteem and help you feel more attractive. Improving how you feel about yourself and how others perceive you will make you feel more confident in your ability to fix your relationship or move on. Do not allow the affair to define who you are.
- 5). Allow yourself time to heal. Do not expect an immediate recovery and do not feel like you should be able to shake it off. Affairs are hurtful and cause a great deal of suffering. What you are feeling is normal.
- 6). Get professional help. Counselors are a good resource. They are neutral in the relationship and can give you unbiased feedback. They are trained to help you deal with your emotions.
- 7). Involve yourself in activities you enjoy. Something that takes your mind off of the negative feelings and gives you pleasure is helpful when dealing with hurtful emotions. This will also help you feel like you have some control over your life, when other things that once seemed certain now seem less certain.
- 8). Take care of your children's needs if there are children involved. If they found out, they may be hurting too. It is important that while dealing with your own emotions, you do not get your children emotionally involved. They are too young to understand affairs and should not witness the conflict that often follows.
- 9). Exercise to relieve stress and improve your overall health. Eat healthy food and get enough sleep. It is important that you keep yourself physically healthy while you are dealing with troubling emotions.
- 10
Act on logical decisions and not out of emotion. It is good to take time to make decisions and think before speaking when you are angry and hurt. - 11
Forgive your partner. While your partner or spouse may not deserve forgiveness, you deserve the relief you will get from forgiveness. Forgiving someone does not mean condoning what happened, but it will help you accept the affair for what it is and move on.
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