For those of you who have ever studied a musical instrument, or sung in a choir, etc.
, you are probably familiar with a musical staff.
You know, that thing with five lines and four spaces, divided up into measures of "time.
" There are a certain number of "beats" in each measure, and each measure is filled with "notes.
" Some notes are long, and some are quite short, taking only a fraction of a second to make themselves heard.
I see families like a song played across time.
First, we are "one.
" We each have all of time just for ourselves and we create a single line of music through the bars of time.
We get to determine the rhythm, how many notes we will place in each measure, what the sound will be, and how long the song will last.
Then we enter into a committed relationship and we suddenly have to share the "time.
" Our partner may wish to change the rhythm, or the melody.
The partner may want to lengthen or shorten our song.
The partner provides the possibility of harmony -- or of true discordance.
With time we add children to our family and they must also share this one dimension of time.
We are unable to produce more time -- we must all exist in the same dimension, crowded into our measures.
The music now becomes far more complex, and our musical score may look like a most complicated piece of music.
How is the rhythm doing? Is someone adding a syncopation? Are we all running with the same melody? Is someone providing a counter-point? Is the sound pleasing? Does the sound make us rejoice, or is the sound a true "lament?" Is the harmony complex, or is it the simple four-part harmony of a hymn? This complicated piece of music is so like family life: Complex, sometimes harmonious, sometimes discordant, sometimes almost frantic, but always struggling to exist within the shared dimension of time.
How does all of this work in your family? Is your melody pleasing? Do family members provide close harmony? Are you all "marching to the same drumbeat?" If there is discordance, how can that be eliminated so that true harmony can exist? Couple, or family therapy can often help folks regain their true sound -- their true, authentic beat.
Each of us deserves to have our life lived hearing our own melody, played in harmony throughout our measure of time.
, you are probably familiar with a musical staff.
You know, that thing with five lines and four spaces, divided up into measures of "time.
" There are a certain number of "beats" in each measure, and each measure is filled with "notes.
" Some notes are long, and some are quite short, taking only a fraction of a second to make themselves heard.
I see families like a song played across time.
First, we are "one.
" We each have all of time just for ourselves and we create a single line of music through the bars of time.
We get to determine the rhythm, how many notes we will place in each measure, what the sound will be, and how long the song will last.
Then we enter into a committed relationship and we suddenly have to share the "time.
" Our partner may wish to change the rhythm, or the melody.
The partner may want to lengthen or shorten our song.
The partner provides the possibility of harmony -- or of true discordance.
With time we add children to our family and they must also share this one dimension of time.
We are unable to produce more time -- we must all exist in the same dimension, crowded into our measures.
The music now becomes far more complex, and our musical score may look like a most complicated piece of music.
How is the rhythm doing? Is someone adding a syncopation? Are we all running with the same melody? Is someone providing a counter-point? Is the sound pleasing? Does the sound make us rejoice, or is the sound a true "lament?" Is the harmony complex, or is it the simple four-part harmony of a hymn? This complicated piece of music is so like family life: Complex, sometimes harmonious, sometimes discordant, sometimes almost frantic, but always struggling to exist within the shared dimension of time.
How does all of this work in your family? Is your melody pleasing? Do family members provide close harmony? Are you all "marching to the same drumbeat?" If there is discordance, how can that be eliminated so that true harmony can exist? Couple, or family therapy can often help folks regain their true sound -- their true, authentic beat.
Each of us deserves to have our life lived hearing our own melody, played in harmony throughout our measure of time.