Goal Setting - Why Grown Ups Stop Setting Goals And What To Do About It
Goal setting to my 11-year-old daughter is more of a delight than a chore.
Her mind and her days are filled with setting and achieving mostly unwritten goals based around her middle school life, sports clubs and outside interests.
There is truly a wonderful energy and excitement in the aspirations of a growing child.
What happens between childhood and middle age to turn off that natural goal setting tap so that it barely drips anymore? So much so, that we tend to become creatures of circumstances rather than creators of experience.
This article outlines why this is so and what to do about changing it.
The fascinating thing about children and goal achieving is that they tend to focus on what we adults call short-term goals.
They are less hung up on setting and achieving lifetime goals because to an 11-year-old, even one year out seems a lifetime away!For example, there is now a two-month cross-country running season at my daughter's middle school.
And the children are almost completely focused on the weekly race against other schools, and on beating their own previous best for the course.
As far as I can see they are not focusing at all on the following semester's hockey or volleyball season.
And what do we supposedly wise and mature adults tend to do with respect to goal setting?Why, we set and fret over long-term goals and miss a lot of fun and experience in the momentary ones.
What I think is missing here is that in adult life we habitually learn to react more and more to our circumstances and responsibilities.
We do this so well and end up with so much on our plates, that there is little time and energy left to think about where our lives are going.
And so we stop thinking and become a little more cynical with each passing year.
Fortunately, there appears to be something in the human psyche that is unwilling to settle for less.
The classic middle-aged crisis of identity and purpose is one way that this message can leak through.
Questions like: "What am I doing here?""What have I done in my life?""What's the point of it all?"Just your average meaning of life questions! So what to do about it all?With my coaching hat on, I suggest two specific things: Number one: Create some time and space for you to simply think.
This can be something like a daily walk or even a long soak in a warm bath - something that's very popular here in Japan.
The important thing is to make it regular and private.
Number two: Begin to write down everything that is on your mind but not yet on paper.
This is similar to David Allen's 'collection process' from his wonderful book, "Getting Things Done".
You can write it down anyway you want but my preference is to use a mind map format.
Her mind and her days are filled with setting and achieving mostly unwritten goals based around her middle school life, sports clubs and outside interests.
There is truly a wonderful energy and excitement in the aspirations of a growing child.
What happens between childhood and middle age to turn off that natural goal setting tap so that it barely drips anymore? So much so, that we tend to become creatures of circumstances rather than creators of experience.
This article outlines why this is so and what to do about changing it.
The fascinating thing about children and goal achieving is that they tend to focus on what we adults call short-term goals.
They are less hung up on setting and achieving lifetime goals because to an 11-year-old, even one year out seems a lifetime away!For example, there is now a two-month cross-country running season at my daughter's middle school.
And the children are almost completely focused on the weekly race against other schools, and on beating their own previous best for the course.
As far as I can see they are not focusing at all on the following semester's hockey or volleyball season.
And what do we supposedly wise and mature adults tend to do with respect to goal setting?Why, we set and fret over long-term goals and miss a lot of fun and experience in the momentary ones.
What I think is missing here is that in adult life we habitually learn to react more and more to our circumstances and responsibilities.
We do this so well and end up with so much on our plates, that there is little time and energy left to think about where our lives are going.
And so we stop thinking and become a little more cynical with each passing year.
Fortunately, there appears to be something in the human psyche that is unwilling to settle for less.
The classic middle-aged crisis of identity and purpose is one way that this message can leak through.
Questions like: "What am I doing here?""What have I done in my life?""What's the point of it all?"Just your average meaning of life questions! So what to do about it all?With my coaching hat on, I suggest two specific things: Number one: Create some time and space for you to simply think.
This can be something like a daily walk or even a long soak in a warm bath - something that's very popular here in Japan.
The important thing is to make it regular and private.
Number two: Begin to write down everything that is on your mind but not yet on paper.
This is similar to David Allen's 'collection process' from his wonderful book, "Getting Things Done".
You can write it down anyway you want but my preference is to use a mind map format.