I find visiting elderly parents has changed my perception in how I interact with them.
I am more caring and empathetic toward them.
I am more respectful and no matter what they put you through growing up, that is all forgiven and you find yourself in the caring role.
I had a glimpse of this when my mother and aunt came to visit.
However, seeing my father really reinforced this.
I feel like my eyes were opened and there is a clarity there than what was there through all those years that I just could not forgive him for his verbally abusive behavior toward everyone.
You might be wondering how you cope with these mixed feelings.
Here are some suggestions.

• You are only human.
  It is okay to have sad feelings, even mixed feelings.
  There are a lot of years that have passed and there could be a lot of hurt that was not dealt with.
  This is important.
  We need to deal with the hurt.
  Maybe we cannot forgive the hurt, but maybe we can put it aside and look at your parent with new eyes and see the changes in them.
  Every ten years your perspective changes as you get older as too with them.
  They soften and they get more wisdom and insight into their behavior.
  You just have to listen more closely.
  
• When you see your elderly parent lose some of their strength and mobility, it is alright to feel empathy.
  You begin to see yourself at their age and you wonder will you age more gracefully or will you be in their shoes.
  This helps you to relate to them more fully and be more forgiving.
  You really do not want them to hurt or be put in bad situations.
  What you want for them is what you want for yourself.
  
• Time is forgiving.
  Allow this to happen.
  You may have to confront them for the wrongs you felt they did to you.
  It is hard and sometimes you may need a mediator.
  If you are in counseling, use this as a tool to work through your anger, fear, sadness, etc.
  You may not want to do this.
  Your parent may not be receptive.
  That is okay.
  That is when you put everything aside and listen to your parent and what they want to say to you.
  You will see their views have softened.
  They are less angry about their own issues and put that behind them.
  You may find they are more forgiving and want to offer you advice on how to live the rest of your life.
  
• They may seem needier.
  They want a connection with you that they were never able to have with you and they are worried they will not have time to make it up with you.
  Allow it to happen.
  You will only have this connection for a short time.
  Death does not knock on the door.
  You want the best relationship you can have at this stage in life.
  Connect with them more.
  Put your feelings aside.
  Be there for them as best you can.
  
• They may be a great distance from you and financially, you cannot visit them as often as they want.
  Write, email, send pictures, and phone.
  The more you do the more grace you will feel.
  It is a win-win situation.
  You will never second guess yourself.
  You will never have to worry whether you should have made more of an effort.
  Knowing you did the best you can, will put you at ease and it will be easier when the end does come.
  

I hope these suggestions have been helpful.
Take them to heart and rekindle your relationship with your elderly parent today.