Codependency has been defined in many different ways.
Originally, it referred to the dynamic which is created when the support person of an alcoholic/addict becomes attached to being needed by that person and begins to unconsciously (or consciously) enable their destructive behavior, thereby maintaining the alcoholic's/addict's debilitation.
Since then, codependency has begun to be defined more broadly.
In order to fully understand what it means to be codependent, let's first define what it means to be emotionally independent.
Emotional independence is the ability to consistently meet your own needs.
It means knowing how to pay attention to yourself, validate yourself, and provide yourself with a sense of self-worth.
It is about fulfilling your own emotional needs rather than going outside yourself to have those needs met by other people.
No one lives in a vacuum, so of course you are bound to receive attention, validation, etc.
from the people you interact with, however, there is a vital distinction between receiving those gifts and being dependent upon them.
Is having someone compliment you the icing on your cake, or is it your whole cake? Do you enjoy getting attention from the people you care about or do you need that attention to feel good about yourself? Looking at emotional independence in this way, it becomes clear that emotional dependence, or codependency, does not exist as a specific label, but as a spectrum of interrelatedness.
Therefore, codependency is herein defined as the degree to which you are reliant upon other people to meet your emotional needs.
As you read this article, consider what percentage of your emotional wellbeing you take care of in-house and what percentage you outsource.
Is this a balance which is serving you or a lopsided arrangement which leaves you feeling needy and insatiable? Changing yourself...
A vicious cycle: The need for other people's recognition is a self-reinforcing cycle.
Uncomfortable feelings arise (lonely, sad, empty, worthless, unlovable, etc.
) and your first instinct is to do whatever is necessary to get rid of these "negative" emotions.
Unable to supply yourself with the antidote to these feelings, you look to those around you to provide you with worth, fulfillment, love, or at least a distraction from the lack of those experiences.
Each time you go outside yourself to get your emotional needs met, you are sending yourself some very strong messages.

Other people's attention is more valuable than mine.
My own love is worthless.
I am not capable of meeting my own needs.
I will never feel whole on my own

These messages are internalized unconsciously and reinforce both the "negative" feelings you were experiencing originally, and the belief that you are dependent upon other people's attention/approval/validation, etc.
The reliance upon other people's validation increases as the value you place on your own recognition plummets.
Breaking the cycle: Breaking this cycle begins with becoming aware of your emotions.

1. When you have the urge to reach out to someone for emotional support, resist the temptation to react to that urge.
   Instead, turn your focus inward.
   What feelings are you experiencing? What do you want to avoid by going outside yourself? What emotions does being alone bring up for you (lonely, afraid, bored, anxious, etc.
   )? Just sit with those feelings and try to allow them without judgment.
   
2. Notice the subtle reward of paying attention to yourself.
   Self-recognition is a much quieter experience than being recognized by others.
   It may be difficult to detect it's presence at first, but look for it.
   You are breaking a habit, changing yourself, becoming more self-reliant.
   That is something to be proud of.
   Can you get in touch with that feeling?
3. Get in the practice of stopping and paying attention to yourself whenever you feel needy.
   Even if you later decide to seek out attention from someone else, you have taken the time to pay attention to yourself first.
   You have valued your own recognition.
   You are learning to validate yourself internally.
   

Changing your relationships...
We tend to be drawn to people who have a similar degree of emotional dependence to our own.
If you rated yourself on the extreme end of the codependency spectrum, chances are, you have several people in your life who are in the same range.
The "co" in codependency refers to the mutual emotional dependence people develop with one another.
Both parties have become accustomed to needing to be needed so when one person begins to be less needy, this can disrupt the relationship.

1. Set and maintain boundaries.
   This isn't just about learning to say "no" to doing people favors.
   It can also mean declining invitations, choosing to keep some aspects of yourself private, making unpopular choices, protecting yourself from the judgment or verbal abuse of others, etc.
   It is about valuing and asserting your own interests.
   This is not selfish, it is self-loving.
   It is not about saying "no" to others, it is about saying "yes" to yourself and honoring your own needs.
   
2. When you create a boundary with someone, notice the sense of self-respect this brings.
   If you are not used to putting yourself first, you may also have feelings of guilt, shame, or self-judgment arise.
   See if you can dig beneath those feelings to the satisfaction of having taken care of yourself.
   
3. Cultivate an interest in yourself.
   Discover ways of connecting with you.
   Exploring a hobby you have always wanted to pursue, taking a class you are interested in, journaling your thoughts and emotions, writing poetry or doing something creative, taking walks, photography, anything that you find fulfilling.
   You are learning new ways of bringing yourself a sense of worth and joy.
   
4. Prioritize your new, self-worth building activities.
   If a friend invites you to lunch but you had already been planning to go to your yoga class, it may be tempting to drop everything to enjoy your friend's company.
   The problem is, that sends those same destructive messages ("Other people's attention is more valuable than mine.
   Spending time with someone else is more fulfilling than pursuing my own interests.
   Spending time with someone else is more appealing than spending time with me").
   Make your commitment to your new activities sacred.
   It is a promise you are making to yourself.
   Imagine what kind of a message you are sending yourself each time you keep that promise.
   

Codependency is a difficult habit to break, but it can be done.
Emotional independence is freedom in the purest sense.
You are a whole, fulfilled, joyful person all on your own.
Since your mood and wellbeing are no longer dependent upon others, there is no need to manipulate, to pull on people for validation.
You can be fully present and authentic.
Emotional independence is a challenging path to follow, but the empowerment, freedom, and self-respect you will find on this journey, will sustain and motivate you along the way.