No one is an island and no marriage will thrive as an island either.
Creating a solid relationship with your partner means creating solid relationships with yourself and your community as well.
We can't make our partners our only emotional support.
It's too much responsibility and we need other people to give us perspective.
At the same time, we can't find all our emotional support outside our marriage because that keeps the relationship barren.
Here are some things to think about, first on your own and then with your partner.
Once you know what's going on, you can figure out where your marital middle ground is that will keep you healthy and your relationship thriving.
Yourself: You want to know who you are and how you work through your emotional issues.

• Who are you and what are your emotional needs? Are you a sharer? Are you a pretty self-sufficient person? You need to know your emotional style so that you can help your partner understand who you are and how you work and where he or she can meet your needs, and where he or she can't.
  
• Do you process your problems internally or by talking about them?
• Are you looking for solutions or simply to vent?
• Are you a listener or a problem solver?
• How do you solve emotional problems?
• How are you taking care of those needs? What system did you have in place before you met your sweetheart for being emotionally healthy?

Your Community: Knowing your emotional history will help you and your partner understand the way you process, what you might want from a mate, and what you might want to solve elsewhere.

• Aside from your partner, who are the people who are closest to you?
• Who is(are) your best confidant(s)?
• How often do you talk to them about emotional issues?
• What do you usually talk to your friends and family about?

Your Partner: How do you interact with your beloved? Cherishing your beloved may mean not making him or her responsible for all your emotional quirks and needs.

• What are your expectations of your partner about your emotional needs?
• Knowing your partner, are your expectations realistic? Are they fair?
• What privacy needs do you have about your emotional issues? Do you want everything kept between you or is it OK if some things are shared? Which things are ok?

The divide that happens in couples is often a gender divide, but not always.
Having unreal expectations can really throw you off.
I process information out loud.
I have a couple friends that I can do that with.
My husband, not so much.
He's more of a problem solver.
I'm never going to get him to understand that I'm thinking, not fixing.
So some things, I just don't process with him or I'm deliberate in how I share information.
But, it's a fine edge, because I have to keep him informed about how I'm feeling and he works at doing open listening.
Your dance will be different.
But it will be a dance.
The more you get it right, the more relaxed and open your relationship will be.
And that will shine through your wedding ceremony and your wedding vows.
Respecting who you are and honoring what you offer one another will make your marriage rich and successful.
That's what you're looking for!